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Jax Chinchilla Rescue
Oh pah Laurie. You know you like using smilies!
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Newbie calling out the oldies
- Thread starter Chinantics
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ticklechin
Well-known member
If I had two choices between say heart surgeons, one who was the top of his/her class, a expert in the field, been doing it forever with tons of surgeries under the belt with excellent outcomes, but was a jerk who treated me like a piece of meat, or the other one who was at the bottom 10% of the class, barely graduated, has only done a few surgeries and most patients died but treated me like I was the only patient in the world and my new BFF, I would go with the jerk and be treated like a t-bone steak, since I want the best and the delivery of the message is not important since I have big girl panties!
Sandi
non-stop poop sweeper
Thank you Misty for posting this... it's the reason why I hung around after I joined CnQ and now CnH and ultimately ended up with true life long friends as a bonus!
I've seen this thread going for a while, and after the last couple of days, and the support I've been given here, felt the need to comment.
I'm new to this forum, maybe a couple of weeks. I've only had my chinchilla, Misty, for 2 months now and only know one other person who owns chins, and needed someplace to find answers to some of my questions. Everyone was very nice and helpful, even though I was probably asking some of those same "newby" questions. No one made me feel like a burden, or was rude.
Then someone(can't remember who right now, sorry!) pointed out that in a photo Misty's fur looked matted around her eyes, and that probably saved her life. Stackie recommended a vet for Misty, and everyone has gone out of their way to be supportive and sympathetic.
I really believe without this forum, Misty would have died. I am so grateful to these "old timers" for helping save our sweet little girl. So say anything you want, but they have won my eternal gratitude
Thank you Misty for posting this... it's the reason why I hung around after I joined CnQ and now CnH and ultimately ended up with true life long friends as a bonus!
You're welcome
) Even though Misty didn't make it, I am still so grateful to Kate and Stacie since she would have suffered so much more if we hadn't found out about her infection. We were able to try to treat her and then have her put down humanely, and I have the comfort of knowing we did everything we could for her.Hi everyone, I just wanted to say a couple things. First being that I know I have posted repeat questions, but I'm not all that good with technical stuff so I still have a bit of difficulty finding what I'm looking for. So that is why I sometimes post repeat stuff, but if I can I will go into the chatroom and ask for help finding what I'm looking for. I'd rather get the information I need rather than not get it because I don't want to bother someone.
Second, when I was a kid I didn't have friends. I thought it was me (I realized later it wasn't) so I spent a lot of time observing people and learning what upsets people and what doesn't and how is the best way to talk to people so that everyone can come to an agreement. Through all of my observations and knowing that written word is very difficult to interpret when it comes to the tone of voice, there are a few things I have come up with that generally work to get across my point that "hey I am not attacking you but you need to know that what you are doing is wrong and this is why". One way is to add smileys or "lol". This is not always appropriate, like if the situation is a serious one. In that case, I try to start off with congratulating them for what they are doing right, and then say something like "but there are a few things that worry me about this and I would like to give you some advice that will help your chins be happier and healthier". If that is still inappropriate for the seriousness of the situation, then I am blunt, but tack on to the end something like "I'm not trying to me mean or attack you, but you need to know this because you have a big problem here and I don't want something terrible to happen". Then if they still don't listen I loose the niceness and I'm just blunt with them.
I often find that it is difficult to listen to someone when I feel like I am being attacked. And I have seen someone get attacked on this site before and I couldn't believe how rude people were being to this person. I always try to put aside my feelings as best I can and focus on the advice given, but it can be difficult sometimes. It is much easier for me to accept blunt advice if the person has made it clear that they are not being mean, they are just trying to convey the seriousness of the situation.
Second, when I was a kid I didn't have friends. I thought it was me (I realized later it wasn't) so I spent a lot of time observing people and learning what upsets people and what doesn't and how is the best way to talk to people so that everyone can come to an agreement. Through all of my observations and knowing that written word is very difficult to interpret when it comes to the tone of voice, there are a few things I have come up with that generally work to get across my point that "hey I am not attacking you but you need to know that what you are doing is wrong and this is why". One way is to add smileys or "lol". This is not always appropriate, like if the situation is a serious one. In that case, I try to start off with congratulating them for what they are doing right, and then say something like "but there are a few things that worry me about this and I would like to give you some advice that will help your chins be happier and healthier". If that is still inappropriate for the seriousness of the situation, then I am blunt, but tack on to the end something like "I'm not trying to me mean or attack you, but you need to know this because you have a big problem here and I don't want something terrible to happen". Then if they still don't listen I loose the niceness and I'm just blunt with them.
I often find that it is difficult to listen to someone when I feel like I am being attacked. And I have seen someone get attacked on this site before and I couldn't believe how rude people were being to this person. I always try to put aside my feelings as best I can and focus on the advice given, but it can be difficult sometimes. It is much easier for me to accept blunt advice if the person has made it clear that they are not being mean, they are just trying to convey the seriousness of the situation.
LovinTheSmallAndFurry
Well-known member
But the expert heart surgeon should put forth some effort to be a kind, shouldn't he? I would obviously choose him, and obviously file a complaint against his bedside manner.
Dragonflye
Well-known member
Everyone is different. Some people are just more direct. Also, when people spend time answering forum question after question, they don't always have time to be elaborate and flowery with their language.
Just a thought...
Just a thought...
I know when I am looking at a doctor, or a vet for that matter I want the one who is knowledgeable and is going to be blunt and honest with me. I am doing something wrong with my animal care? I want that vet to tell me straight out "this is what you are doing wrong, this is how you fix it". If I am doing something wrong with my health --tell me about it, and tell me how to fix it.
The trainers I use for my horses and my dogs do not sugar coat anything. If I am making the mistake, and thats why my animal is acting the way it is--they let me know. They tell me how to fix it. THAT is the reason why I chose them. I want someone who is going to criticize me, tell me what I'm doing wrong, and show me how to fix my mistakes. I could have found a trainer who wouldn't stop me when I am lunging the horse wrong, heeling with my dog incorrectly and just let me go...but I wanted the one who would step in and say "wait a minute, THIS is how its done"
I'd rather know the truth, the facts, and how to fix what I'm doing wrong then worry about someone holding my hand and softly talking to me, telling me exactly what I want to hear. I am not messing around with plastic toys..I am dealing with living, breathing things.
The trainers I use for my horses and my dogs do not sugar coat anything. If I am making the mistake, and thats why my animal is acting the way it is--they let me know. They tell me how to fix it. THAT is the reason why I chose them. I want someone who is going to criticize me, tell me what I'm doing wrong, and show me how to fix my mistakes. I could have found a trainer who wouldn't stop me when I am lunging the horse wrong, heeling with my dog incorrectly and just let me go...but I wanted the one who would step in and say "wait a minute, THIS is how its done"
I'd rather know the truth, the facts, and how to fix what I'm doing wrong then worry about someone holding my hand and softly talking to me, telling me exactly what I want to hear. I am not messing around with plastic toys..I am dealing with living, breathing things.
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ticklechin
Well-known member
:clap: This is my answer to the Dr. question, I also don't need someone to treat me like a namby pamby, I can deal with reality.
starleomach
Dawnna's Keeper
I remember when I was getting ready to have my daughter the practice I use has several Drs most were nice, One I loved to have exams with she was as sweet as can be always nice and personable, but she was one to cut quick. Most of her deliveries ended in C-sections. One was kinda scary, very blunt to the point when I was having issues she said" you will miscarry or you wont, nothing can be done about it"
the day I delivered Clara I ended up with the "mean one" I was bleeding so badly they jad to use 2 bags of the clotent but she wook some time to try to get the bleeding to stop and I will be able to have more kids in the future...I know from visiting for post delivery check up how Lucky I am, the nice Dr even said her course of action would have been emergency c-section and historectomy.
I will never complain again about Dr Blunt. While the whole thing was going on she kept telling me I was fine nothing was wrong. I stayed calm I never knew anything was amiss until it was all said and done. Then she matter of factly filled me in and said. As long as no infection Develops you will be fine.
I would much rather have a blunt Dr and a Uterus then a sweet Dr and no more children. Bedside manner doesn't mean a whole lot when it comes to a situation like that. I would never file a complaint. Besides how childish is it to say : but but they hurt my feelings...." Stick and stones people
the day I delivered Clara I ended up with the "mean one" I was bleeding so badly they jad to use 2 bags of the clotent but she wook some time to try to get the bleeding to stop and I will be able to have more kids in the future...I know from visiting for post delivery check up how Lucky I am, the nice Dr even said her course of action would have been emergency c-section and historectomy.
I will never complain again about Dr Blunt. While the whole thing was going on she kept telling me I was fine nothing was wrong. I stayed calm I never knew anything was amiss until it was all said and done. Then she matter of factly filled me in and said. As long as no infection Develops you will be fine.
I would much rather have a blunt Dr and a Uterus then a sweet Dr and no more children. Bedside manner doesn't mean a whole lot when it comes to a situation like that. I would never file a complaint. Besides how childish is it to say : but but they hurt my feelings...." Stick and stones people
RDZCRanch
RavenousDeadlyZombieChins
I think a big point being missed by people as well is that those of us giving advice are not paid for our time. We have lives, jobs, school, our own families and pets to take care of. When we want to try to help someone with advice that we've repeated at least a dozen times...we often don't have the time to sit there and read and reread what we write to make sure it comes across JUST perfect. If someone tells me to quit being mean when I'm being blunt I will tell them to reread my post as I never type with a condescending or mean tone and if they read it that way, they're wrong. That has "solved" some situations, but others will sit there and argue with me about what I meant. I don't get paid for this and after a while, I stopped enjoying it. It's also tiring to give advice in as straight forward of a way you can, only to be called "mean" or "rude" for it. I'm taking time out of MY day and MY busy life to answer a question for someone that I'm trying to help and I get called rude for that? I don't have time to tell each person their chin is adorable or cute, especially in medical situations.
There is a big difference between being attacked and FEELING attacked. If there is one member that is bothering you in a thread, there's this great feature on the forum called an ignore button. As mentioned earlier as well, if you think a post is personally attacking you, you can flag it. Personal attacks are not allowed on the forum.
There is a big difference between being attacked and FEELING attacked. If there is one member that is bothering you in a thread, there's this great feature on the forum called an ignore button. As mentioned earlier as well, if you think a post is personally attacking you, you can flag it. Personal attacks are not allowed on the forum.
ticklechin
Well-known member
And just to be snarky, if you are going to tell me I am mean, please use proper english, not U IS MEEN, I H8 U.
I don't think it's being snarky. I feel that using 'text talk' is a whole other issue that's been discussed and ignored over and over again.
I also feel like this thread got old several pages ago. The people who are going to be blunt will continue being blunt. Those who sugar coat will continue to do that as well, and those who are looking to be offended will find some reason to complain no matter what we do
:deadhorse::deadhorse2:
mishalaa
Irish Chinchilla
I also feel like this thread got old several pages ago. The people who are going to be blunt will continue being blunt. Those who sugar coat will continue to do that as well, and those who are looking to be offended will find some reason to complain no matter what we do
Word.
It's not that some people don't know how to soften the blow, this forum doesn't need lessons on typing tactfully. We just don't want to sugar coat things we see as grave mistakes.
:kiss: :thumbsup: You CAN get a point across without being blunt though. I'm on another forum that can do just that, I accepted that CnH will never come to be like that a long time ago but you can teach people nicely with the same (if not better) success rate.
I also believe that SOME of the people who are known to attack would not do so in person and would teach people kindly.
I also believe that SOME of the people who are known to attack would not do so in person and would teach people kindly.
GorillaJTA
That guy.
No. I refuse to change my personality for someone who wishes to be coddled. Blunt is not the same thing as rude. I can give all the information I have without reinforcing someones fragile ego.
You CAN get a point across without being blunt though. I'm on another forum that can do just that, I accepted that CnH will never come to be like that a long time ago but you can teach people nicely with the same (if not better) success rate.
I also believe that SOME of the people who are known to attack would not do so in person and would teach people kindly.
But to be fair, blunt sounds rude in text. In person, I'm really blunt, but I know what it sounds in text and make sure that I try to be clear that I do not mean to be rude.
I really wasn't going to bother posting to this thread, but oy, it's like an STD, it just keeps coming back.
Mikayla - How many members does the forum you belong to, where everybody is always sweet as cotton candy, have? This forum has almost 3000. 3000 people expected to always be sickeningly sweet is not only silly, it's unrealistic.
The person who originally started this thread, I think with the hopes of causing some huge controversy, is no longer a posting member. Once again someone who didn't get the answers they wanted, in the way they wanted, storming off forum never to return. Well, whatever. It happens.
I could go on and on like the other "old timers" have on this thread, talking about how people don't listen, saying how we all volunteer our time to give answers (and some of us volunteer to even HAVE the forum), but it won't make any difference. As Brittany said, people who whine are always going to whine no matter how you answer them; people who will not listen, despite being told the same thing repeatedly are still going to do what they want to do; and people who think because my posts don't have a bunch of smilie faces and sucking up going on are going to think I'm rude or mean. I don't have the time or the energy to waste with sucking up. Frankly, it's not in my genetic make up. If there is a question, I answer it, sometimes blunt, sometimes not, but the information is still there. If someone would rather have their chin suffer or die than read that post or listen to that advice because they think I'm mean or blunt, then they don't deserve to ever own an animal anyway.
Mikayla - How many members does the forum you belong to, where everybody is always sweet as cotton candy, have? This forum has almost 3000. 3000 people expected to always be sickeningly sweet is not only silly, it's unrealistic.
The person who originally started this thread, I think with the hopes of causing some huge controversy, is no longer a posting member. Once again someone who didn't get the answers they wanted, in the way they wanted, storming off forum never to return. Well, whatever. It happens.
I could go on and on like the other "old timers" have on this thread, talking about how people don't listen, saying how we all volunteer our time to give answers (and some of us volunteer to even HAVE the forum), but it won't make any difference. As Brittany said, people who whine are always going to whine no matter how you answer them; people who will not listen, despite being told the same thing repeatedly are still going to do what they want to do; and people who think because my posts don't have a bunch of smilie faces and sucking up going on are going to think I'm rude or mean. I don't have the time or the energy to waste with sucking up. Frankly, it's not in my genetic make up. If there is a question, I answer it, sometimes blunt, sometimes not, but the information is still there. If someone would rather have their chin suffer or die than read that post or listen to that advice because they think I'm mean or blunt, then they don't deserve to ever own an animal anyway.
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