Newbie calling out the oldies

[Chinantics]

I have a story I would like to share with you, all of you. It has more to do with human behavior than chins, but pertains to all of us sharing the information highway.
I purposely put this in the debate section because it probably will ruffle some feathers but that is not my intensions at all.

On April 16, 2009 I was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gherigs) disease. For those of you that don't know what that is, in short its a disease that rots every muscle you have until you have and can do nothing. Average life span is 2 to 5 years after diagnosis. Do the math I just hit 2. Not the point though.

After diagnosis i joined an online community called patients like me. It was great, like here it was a wealth of information and put me in touch with people all over the world struggling just like me. You could research all the threads and join in conversations. Not everyone agreed all the time but it worked. I unfortunately lost way to many friends from that site from this disease.

NOW TO MY POINT

I was a newbie there, yet everyone always took their limited precious time and answered all my questions even though they had answered them a hundred times before for others. They were literally there until the day they died.

HANG ON WHILE I GET ON MY SOAP BOX

This forum too has a wealth of information. It is also good to hear from all sides. If we all agreed life would be boring. What i fail to understand is why when a question is posed do people get their heads almost ripped off. Some of you that hold the wisdom get very short and nasty with us. I am here to ask you to help us, guide us, teach us. Help us understand the answer, not just give us the answer. All we ask for is some of your precious time.

Thank you

 

[lauralynne]

That very question has been asked many, many, many times.

I think many people try to read too much into what someone posts. Instead of taking it as information, they take it personally if they do not receive the response they were wanting.

Many of us answer the same questions over and over with no issues. The issues arise when people do not listen. Many folks have been here long enough to see their good advice go to the wayside and the animal(s) suffer because the owner didn't listen. It is those people who usually get the attitude.

Although this debate thread is regarding newbie breeders, many of the comments hold true to what you've asked. http://www.chins-n-hedgies.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22124

 

[Mikayla]

Off topic, but, I'm sorry about your ALS. I just finished Tuesdays with Morrie, and I just about cried my eyes out. It's a horrible disease. Long live. <3

 

[ticklechin]

Oldie calling out the newbie:banghead:


Oldie talking to newbie: "You can't do that" oldie, "But how about if I do this" newbie "You can't do that, its the same as what you just said" oldie, "But how about if I do this" newbie, " Its still the same, if you do that your chin will die" oldie, "Well my vet (sister, breeder, mentor, petstore, bro who had chins when young) said I could do that, so I will you big fat mean mouth", newbie, Then the chin ends up dead in the memorial section OR the newbie after killing off the chin goes into hiding are WHALA, reappears under a new name. Rather than you'all thrashing on those who spend time that most do not have trying to help, give those people some respect.

 

[Chinantics]

I did give credit where credit was deserved. You have a wealth of information to be shared. I am sure over the years you have gained your wisdom from experience and great teachers. There are also those people no matter what you say, will never get it or understand and that is frustrating I am sure.

However, your post right now is what I am talking about. You attacked. You missed the entire purpose of my post. I asked for help in learning in a way that we can work together and what did you teach me?

I will ask again, please help those of us that want to learn.
Everyones time is precious.

Thank you

 

[Irishsk8r66]

I agree. I have stopped posting in fear of being attacked and instead try to lurk around to find the answer so I don't get yelled at for something I did not know....Although I do understand the frustration that is telling people what is correct and then having them not listen.....

 

[Kalandra]

I hate to say it, but I've been on this forum since early 2000, you will alwys run into posts that sound like an attack. Some times it is just someone that doesn't sugar coat things & at other times they are replies to someone that has a history of ignoring good advice or needing it to be said harshly before they will take the matter seriously. My reccommendtion to new people is of to not take it personally. Let the older members get to know you are serious about these animals.

I agree. I have stopped posting in fear of being attacked and instead try to lurk around to find the answer so I don't get yelled at for something I did not know....Although I do understand the frustration that is telling people what is correct and then having them not listen.....

Don't stop posting for fear of conflict. If there is post that is mean report it to the staff.

 

[Riven]

A lot of people don't like me from the way I present things online, but people who know me in person don't have a problem. It's just the way I come off when I write.

Unfortunately this forum is not run by people who realize their mortality as much as your other forum. Even so, everyone's approach is different. And yes, you do get tired, I don't know how many new members your other forum gets every month, but I'm guessing Peggy could give us the numbers for here. And it's the same thing each month, kind of like that movie Ground Hogs day only we can't change it too much.

 

[ticklechin]

Attack? What attack, its the truth and happens here every day, advice is given and ignored, advice is given and the OP never bothers to give a outcome or update, advice is given and taken, its real life in the real world, not in the land of unicorns and sunbeams which there are forums out there that do that, and who loses by the poor advice and OMG your chin is sick I am sorry but I have no advice hope your chin is well soon.

 

[Stackie]

I deal with it here and I deal with it as my job as a vet tech; giving someone advice that they take as rude or mean because it is simply something they do not want to hear. I had someone get mad at me and complain at our clinic a couple weeks ago because I told them they could not feed their hedgehog degu food, since the two animals required totally different diets. But, they didn't care because it was cheap. I told them their hedgehog very likely would die from starvation. This resulted in them calling the veterinarian and placing a complaint on me. I was the bad person, even though I was only trying to help them and their pet. People do not like it when you point out that they are wrong, sometimes no matter how nice you try to be.

I don't tend to sugar coat things, especially if I notice something alarming. If I see a cute picture of a chin in a cage filled with unsafe things, I will point out the unsafe things rather than gush about how cute the chin is. I do not want to take the concern away from the obvious dangers by gushing about how cute the chin is, until the possibly life threatening dangers are removed.

Many people here are like that. If you stop to get to know them, instead of automatically label them as rude and mean and leave, you will learn that they are very passionate about these animals. They care about the animals first and foremost, and that is why they spend hours on this forum answering the same questions over and over. Some other places live in a world of rainbows and butteflies, and I have seen the chins suffer because the members wanted to be overly nice instead of pointing out how alarming the dangers present are.

We don't "yell" at someone if they need an answer to a question that they did not know. It is pointed out and a solution is given. The conflict starts when said person is told this advice, and does not follow it...or tries to find 500 ways around the advice given. Once again this stems from everyone's passion about these animals. It is truly upsetting to see a chin that you spent hours posting on a thread about die or get injured, all after offering advice that would have prevented it all along. Every new owner that has come on here and graciously accepted the advice and accepted what they were doing was wrong and fixed it, is welcomed and greatly appreciated. They are not "yelled" at if they do this and no conflict is born if they do so. I will also admit it does get frustrating to answer the same basic questions over, especially when the question seems to lack common sense. There is also no way to show your emotion through text on a screen. Some people automatically read something and take it offensively, when in no way was it meant to be.

If you stick around and get to know everyone better, you will see we all aren't old mean hags out to attack every new person with chins, and will learn to see our love for the animals and desire to help.

 

[Chinantics]

Thank you for the responses and showing the flip side of the coin

 

[LizNicole]

One of the biggest things I've learned is that an email, a text message, and even a post in on a message board can be read in many many different ways. I've been around since 2004? Been reading since 2002-03? And I'll tell you there have been times where I'm like.. "Uhh.. Was that supposed to be read as that aggressive?".

I think that most people won't go out of their way to be short or ill tempered on this board. Keeping that in mind, sometimes when you go back and reread something someone wrote? You'll realize its them simply stating something with no added temper or intentions of hurt feelers. That doesn't mean there are not times where members will be "Fed up." BUT the bottom line comes down to it that if you're asking for help/advice/ideas and you get an answer with instructions or advice? Its because they care enough for your animals and you to be helping in the first place. And that in its self is awesome.

I agree that you shouldn't avoid posting... and if you need help and you're not comfortable with posting publicly. I believe that there are a number of breeders/pet owners/ranchers, and whatnot that would be happy to take a private message if you needed to solicit for advice. (=

 

[Airyn]

Maybe it's just me, but I find the directness refreshing since my goal for being on here is to learn as much as I possibly can. That's a lot easier to do when people get to the point and cut out the garbage. I haven't even been on here for a full year yet, but I can say that I genuinely enjoy the honesty. It seems that a lot of the issues directly stem from your personal interpretation of the online voices of others. Might I suggest that you choose to seek information rather than emotion? It levels the playing field quite a bit.

 

[chechinchillas]

I am so sorry to hear about your health. If anyone has a question and is afraid to post just email me. If I don't know the answer, I will know someone who does.

 

[Pikaia]

Yep, I agree with what everyone else has said. The #1 concern on the board is the pet's well-being and safety. The members on this board are helpful and to the point. There may be some members who are not as "cheery" as others, but that doesn't bother me. If I want an answer, I want to talk with someone who has more experience and can direct me to the correct answer. There are soo many members here who have had years and years of experience with chins.

I have never seen a member intentionally be rude to another member. Usually it is because they have repeated the same thing over and over and the person refuses to accept it. Sometimes you have to make some sacrifices to do what is best for your pet. Some people don't want to do the work or do what is best for their pet because it doesn't suit them. Those are the people who shouldn't have pets and those are the same people that forum members get frustrated by.

I am very sorry to hear about your illness and I wish you all the best. Please don't stop posting here.

 

[ticklechin]

I am so sorry to hear about your health. If anyone has a question and is afraid to post just email me. If I don't know the answer, I will know someone who does.

No point in having a forum if email will do, there are checks and balances on the forum to make sure the info is correct. When vets give wrong advice, rescues give bad advice, breeders give bad advice without the common knowledge of the collective then you have no idea if where YOU get your advice from is correct, no one knows everything about chinchillas and if they say they do they are WRONG.

 

[Chinantics]

Actually I have no problem with anyones responses to me. I have found some great threads on here. I get there are pain in the behind people you just want to shake.

I am not living under some rainbow, trust me. Hahahaha
I am not stomping my feet calling anyone a mean person either. Honestly. All I ask if you are a gruff person give us a chance.

I enjoy all of you. Have a great day and hugs to all.

 

[Lynn & The Chins]

Dawn is right -- having everything posted publicly allows any incorrect information to be corrected quickly.

 

[mishalaa]

No point in having a forum if email will do, there are checks and balances on the forum to make sure the info is correct. When vets give wrong advice, rescues give bad advice, breeders give bad advice without the common knowledge of the collective then you have no idea if where YOU get your advice from is correct, no one knows everything about chinchillas and if they say they do they are WRONG.

Agreed. I know have given out some wrong information only to be corrected by another member here, and likely will again. I appreciate the opportunity to learn and change, and don't consider the correction a type of chastisement. And in cases where no one way or thing is right, it's good to have multiple opinions so one can make informed choices.

 

[Chinantics]

I think sometimes comments can be taken to far. This is out of control. No one can be this angry all the time.

Tickle chins you are correct in what you said. NO ONE knows everything.

This is my final post to this thread.
Thanks for proving my point.

Thank you to the wonderful breeders.