Newbie calling out the oldies

[caiti]

Some people on this forum have posted disrespectful and mean things. It's unnecessary and frankly, it can anger me immensely. But it's how they are communicating at the moment. As long as it isn't counter productive, I usually don't think much about it.

Some people here do post idiotic things, as well. Some of them are merely ignorant and others just don't have the same morals shared by most members.

Since written language relies solely on verbal nuances, the perception of someone's message can (but not always) be significantly different in each reader, depending on how it's read.

Not taking it personally and sticking up for yourself is key, like others have stated. If someone's response is malicious and does not help, tell them. If someone's response is malicious and does help, you can either tell them or ignore the maliciousness (to the extent you are able to) and only be concerned with the helpful bit. It is hard to deal with something offensive or hurtful, but it is easier to try and not take it to heart, at least for me. If someone is unable to do that, I don't think they should be belittled for it, though I know many members seem to disagree.

I am not usually a confrontational person, so I don't remember anyone writing any message to or about me I thought was contemptible, but not everyone poses questions or responses like I do. Someone else could post something with the exact same content, but written differently and receive a drastically different reaction. What is rude to some is not to others, etc. As long as everyone keeps that in mind and is considerate, there should not be any unnecessary arguments.

Like you said, everyone's time is precious. So members don't want to spend their time on a question that was answered while that answer is still accessible to the asker (via the search function). Yes, the asker would likely feel more comforted and accepted if they got personal responses but it sometimes isn't practical and can irritate people who are expected to answer them.

 

[AZChins]

Not everyone is going to be nice about things and they don't really have to present things in a kind way. It's really just words typed out on a message board and it's best to not try to assign too much meaning to it especially by new people. There's people that I have known for way over a decade on the forums and what they say means much more to me than, say, if I went to a different forum and was talking to people that I barely knew.

This world is a mean place. I get very bad treatment by all types of people in daily life, on the internet and off. It's best to just shrug it off and not think about it. I've let people ruin my day before because of emails or posts or whatever...I try my best to not ever do that anymore!

With that being said I do like to be nice to people so that I don't ruin their day with sarcastic remarks or rudeness or plain meanness. (I'm sure that I still say things that make people think I am being rude without me being aware of it.) Sure wish people would treat me the way that I have to treat them... Respect and kindness all starts with you - you get what you give. Or some such cliche

 

[ticklechin]

I think sometimes comments can be taken to far. This is out of control. No one can be this angry all the time.

Tickle chins you are correct in what you said. NO ONE knows everything.

This is my final post to this thread.
Thanks for proving my point.

Thank you to the wonderful breeders.

If you have a problem with anything on this forum being said to you, click on the red triangle in the upper right side of the text box, its the warn button and if it is indeed found that there is a problem, the mods or admins on this forum will warn the offending member. I am not sure how you can start a thread in the debate section attacking members for being meanie pants and not get the responses you did, kind of brought it on yourself but in all honesty this thread is mild with no real teeth.

 

[Andrea]

If I'm wrong, I want someone to tell me respectfully so. I have really never had a problem on this forum. I have been incorrect several times and each time there have been members here to correct me and give me important information so that my knowledge regarding chins can grow. I've only seen people get "mean" when someone refuses to follow important advice, because the welfare of the chin is then at risk...and why should anyone be "nice" about that? I think this forum is a great resource.

 

[Brittany]

I have been incorrect several times and each time there have been members here to correct me and give me important information so that my knowledge regarding chins can grow. I've only seen people get "mean" when someone refuses to follow important advice, because the welfare of the chin is then at risk...and why should anyone be "nice" about that? I think this forum is a great resource.

I couldn't have said it better myself :thumbsup: I have learned so much on this forum, and I learn new things everyday. I've experienced it on the forum and with the work I used to do with my Sorority. It is so easy to interpret the written word based on our own feelings and experiences. I try not to sweat the small stuff, but if someone suggests doing something that is out right dangerous to chins I will speak up. If the person insists on doing it I may get a little blunt, or I may choose to ignore them. I want everyone's pets to live long happy lives, but at the end of the day I can only gurantee that I am doing right by the 6 chins that I'm reponsible for.

 

[Laurie]

It is not correct to say many times things are misinterpreted due to it being an email or forum setting. When you are a flaming jerk you come across as a flaming jerk period.

That said while it's true there are members who can be quite rude, there are also members who are not. The issue is someone always has to be right. That's just the way of the world, again period. Advice is given and if it is not heeded it will not bode well because the person asking for the advice did not take the advice hence the person giving it did not have their direct orders followed which sometimes makes them feel as if the person seeking advice things they are wrong.

Many times members post will my chinchilla be ok--many time no it will not be ok and it's going to die but instead of being told that they are told go to the vet. With the way things are in the world today everyone looks for the easy answer or the immediate answer. Members come on the forum and ask what's wrong with their animal--well we cannot diagnosis that--number 1 we are vets, number 2 the animals isn't even in front of us.

When a member posts about a serious illness like an URI or bloat or malo and they do not heed the advice of please take your animal to the vet immediately it angers the people giving the advice, especially if the animal dies because the advice was not heeded. When a member posts they have a "surprise" baby and they are told to separate male and female right away and they say they do but then have another birth a few months later and again are seeking advice this angers the people giving the advice. When a member posts they have chins who are fighting and they are told to separate them but they do not and then one or both winds up dead this angers the people giving the advice.

If you ask for advice you need to be prepared for the answer given. If you ask for advice that means you should be willing to follow the instructions of that advice. If you do not it was senseless for you to even ask.

Sometimes the forum members do not agree on something and this can also cause issues. Chinchillas don't NEED playtime, they don't NEED treats, they don't NEED 60 degree weather and no higher but, some people think they do and if you don't provide it to them it makes you a bad person.

The forum is here for the animals and not the owners. We care about the health and welfare of your chinchilla. Is it ok to make a mistake--yes it is ok, mistakes happen all the time. If there is an "oldie" out there who says they have never made a mistake with their chinchillas they are lying. Mistakes happen in life, if you continue to do what caused the mistake the first time it is totally your fault and quite honestly you should take the heat for repeating the same mistakes.

And a word to any newbies out there if you do feel attacked in a thread you have posted you do have the right to report the post. The admins may not always agree with you but you have the right to say someone has treated you unfairly.

You also don't have to accept everything a seasoned member tells you as the golden rule either

 

[AZChins]

Mistakes happen in life, if you continue to do what caused the mistake the first time it is totally your fault and quite honestly you should take the heat for repeating the same mistakes.

That's exactly right and it is a REALLY great idea for someone new to learn from other people, who have experienced their problem before numerous times. I deal with people on a daily basis that choose to not listen to what I have to say...what happens you say? They end up with a dead or sick chin on their hands and they decide to call me for help. There's about a thousand stories I could tell you that are just that.

Listen to people that know so you don't have to make the mistakes. If they get a little crabby about things, there may be a reason why! Try having someone blatantly ignore your advice for years and years. See how short you get in responses.

I suppose that if someone needs people to be nice, they could turn to someone that is already a friend? I don't know! If say you have a baby chin coming out breech and it's been like that for a day or so. I know I wouldn't be a very nice person when I would talk to you. Same with the other problems...blah.

 

[Annieo]

I personally don't respond well to the blunt, tell-it-like-it-is communication mode. It's not the way I am, and it is not the way it is at my workplace.

I've always been taught that there are two distinct parts to effective communication…the content, and then the process or presentation of the information, with the latter being equally, if not more important than the former. I think that's forgotten sometimes on the internet.

People reading/advising online don't have the benefit of eye contact, intonation of voice and other communication cues that we use when we're face to face. That in itself can lead to a lot of miscommunication, misinterpretation and hurtful feelings. Effective communication can only occur if the receive understands the exact information or idea that is being sent.

Sugarcoat it anyway you want, but some of the best advice is never heard because of the presentation and this forum is no exception, regardless of our mutual interest of the safety, love and betterment of chinchillas.

Just my dos pesos.

 

[greychins]

I personally like the direct nature of the forum. I do think there are some people who probably get frustrated sometimes, because there are some posts that I don't know how to read other than by thinking the person was angry when they posted.

However... the direct nature does have a benefit. If someone came up to me and told me they were going to feed their chins raisins and cranberries as their entire diet, and I said, "oh, well you know, that might not be the best thing to feed, you might try something else." What's going to happen? The person's probably already set on feeding raisins/cranberries and is going to hear "that MIGHT not be the best thing to feed" and interpret it as hmmm... might... well, it also MIGHT be a good thing to feed. That's too open for interpretation.

On here, on the other hand, you're more likely to see a post that reads something like "omg, NO. Stop that diet now. They are hind-gut fermenters and cannot process sugars and so on and so forth, and they're harmful in this and this way, and you should feed [list of foods]." It's direct, and some people might see it as attacking (cause heaven forbid if they're not right 100% of the time). But here's the thing...if I'm doing something that's going to harm my pets, I want to know. I don't want someone to pussyfoot around the issue by telling me I might want to change what I'm doing - I want someone to tell me that what I'm doing is bad, why it's bad, and what I should change..... WITHOUT me wasting time continuing to do the wrong thing because someone isn't direct enough about the harm I could be causing.

I really do think a lot of the problem on this forum is that people come here and expect to be placated. They think they can tell the forum that they feed their chins only raisins and nothing else, and have someone on the forum say, "oh yeah, that's a great diet, you go right on with that." That doesn't happen, and I think that's when those owners start to get angry, and the forum people start to get frustrated. It personally drives me insane when I see people on here that post about something, don't take the advice given, and then the chin's in the memorial section a few weeks later. I hate to say it, but I don't feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for the chin, but the owner? They didn't listen to good advice, and look where it got them.

 

[AZChins]

You're right. Sometimes the only way to get the point across is to get the adrenaline up and make people angry. I do that on the phone all the time and it's the only way to make it work. "Don't do that!" or "You won't be doing that anymore" are my best responses to people that do dangerous things in regard to the care of their animals.

 

[ChinnyMom]

this was the first chin forum i found, and also the best in regards to the plethora of information and experience. sometimes there are members that can be a tad harsh, but chins are our passion, and if that harshness makes a newbie see what the heck they are doing wrong, then so be it. those newbies that get their hackles up because they are being told straight up what they are doing is wrong, and not listening to that advice, should not own chins.

i know i've posted one or two things on here that were met with the somewhat direct and harsh 'you are wrong!' response, and you know what? THANK YOU!! if it wasn't for the experienced members here i'd be feeding Rhino raisins/crappy pellets, and having him on the wire mesh shelves he came with.

on an end note - sugar is not good for chins, so the info relayed in regards to them shouldn't be sugar coated either! lol.

 

[Amphy64]

However... the direct nature does have a benefit. If someone came up to me and told me they were going to feed their chins raisins and cranberries as their entire diet, and I said, "oh, well you know, that might not be the best thing to feed, you might try something else." What's going to happen? The person's probably already set on feeding raisins/cranberries and is going to hear "that MIGHT not be the best thing to feed" and interpret it as hmmm... might... well, it also MIGHT be a good thing to feed. That's too open for interpretation.

On here, on the other hand, you're more likely to see a post that reads something like "omg, NO. Stop that diet now. They are hind-gut fermenters and cannot process sugars and so on and so forth, and they're harmful in this and this way, and you should feed [list of foods]." It's direct, and some people might see it as attacking (cause heaven forbid if they're not right 100% of the time). But here's the thing...if I'm doing something that's going to harm my pets, I want to know. I don't want someone to pussyfoot around the issue by telling me I might want to change what I'm doing - I want someone to tell me that what I'm doing is bad, why it's bad, and what I should change..... WITHOUT me wasting time continuing to do the wrong thing because someone isn't direct enough about the harm I could be causing.

I agree, but think there's an in-between. In your second, more direct example (which isn't particularly harsh in content, though the tone in which it is read matters), I think it would actually sound better if the responder simply said 'They are hind-gut fermenters and cannot process sugars and so on and so forth, and they're harmful in this and this way, and you should feed [list of foods].' Just an explanation of why something is bad, no expression of horror at what they are doing wrong, as that merely causes people to become defensive. The presentation of the response is important, as it affects how likely people are to learn from and take the advice. Of course, if someone isn't taking a sick animal to a vet, yes, that's a bit different.

I totally understand why people get frustrated, I do myself, especially seeing the same mistakes over and over - but, I think they need to remember, for that person posting, it may be the first time that they've made that mistake. Never mind that there have been other people every month or so who had done the same thing, this poster doesn't know about them, that you've seen it before. It is their fault for not researching, if, say, they're feeding an inappropriate diet, but it's not their fault other people have already annoyed the forum members by doing the same thing. So, although it irritates me that people don't do the necessary research before getting a pet, better to assume good faith. If you are frustrated you do not have to answer the question - it may actually be more productive to take a break, and leave it to someone who is calm.

It is hard to interpret written language sometimes, I'm sure members don't usually mean to be rude, even if that's how it might come across. For me, I'm English, and do find Americans are often more abrupt and direct than we are, which can often come across as rude even though that wasn't the intent. It does make me nervous to post sometimes, though.

 

[greychins]

I agree, but think there's an in-between. In your second, more direct example (which isn't particularly harsh in content, though the tone in which it is read matters), I think it would actually sound better if the responder simply said 'They are hind-gut fermenters and cannot process sugars and so on and so forth, and they're harmful in this and this way, and you should feed [list of foods].' Just an explanation of why something is bad, no expression of horror at what they are doing wrong, as that merely causes people to become defensive. The presentation of the response is important, as it affects how likely people are to learn from and take the advice. Of course, if someone isn't taking a sick animal to a vet, yes, that's a bit different.

Oh I agree. I don't think, though, that people responding to threads always take the time to read what they write and think of how it sounds (or how it could be read). I'm so used to posting threads for my online classes (which have to be "perfect" and have to be read in the right tone if I want to receive all of the points) that anymore, I read my posts at least twice before I actually post to the thread. Doing so, I often catch things that, as you said, could be worded better or worded in a way to draw out less defenses... but I'm not sure everyone cares so much about that kind of thing.

I would prefer for people to think of me as helpful, rather than harsh. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar (or something like that?). At least for the people I deal with (mainly the people adopting rescues), I've found that I can nicely suggest, well, you do this because of this, and people listen (the ones that really care about the chin anyway). I had someone call earlier today asking about what would be a good cage. I told them, pet store cages are fine, but that I would take out all the plastic shelving and replace it with wood. I explained that we once had a rescue that was impacted, to the tune of vet bills of $1000, and so it's cheaper to fork over the money for the wood shelves now than pay for the vet bill later. Now, I have no idea if that person will heed the advice (I suppose I'll find out if they ever decide to adopt from us, shelve-type is a question on our form), but I know I got a better response than saying that pet stores are crap and no good cages can be found there and only idiots would use plastic shelving...

About your comment regarding letting someone who's calm post - I second that. Sometimes we all need to take a step back and say, you know, someone else can handle this. I've really learned to reign it in over the years, the rescue has really helped me with that. One of our latest rescues came in eating ONLY potato chips, chocolate, grapes, raisins, and drinking (get this) beer. I about died when I got to the home and saw all of that in the food bowl/water bottle...I asked what she was being fed, and that was the response... I believe I said "oh, ok" (that was the best I could manage, without going a bit overboard). That's not quite the same thing as what we're talking about here, but it's the same concept - you learn to take a step back and calmly respond, and so get a better reaction. In that situation, it really didn't matter - the chin was coming in, the lady wasn't getting another (she was OCD, literally, the mess was too much for her), so she'd never feed another chin those foods, but the concept is the same - if someone called me up and said they were feeding that, I would try to either calmly tell them why that's bad, or refer them to here or ChinNation and tell them to read about what to feed (if I didn't think I could calmly respond to that).

 

[KissThis]

On the flip side, you have those of us who do have information to contribute that decide to limit our posting and just lurk because we get sick of being ignored and repeating ourselves. I haven't been around long enough to be considered one of the oldtimers, but I have been around long enough to know better. It is not worth my time to scream or piss into the wind and so I won't do it. I will generally post when I think I can contribute something, particularly to genetics topics, but for the general questions that have been asked, answered, and ignored a thousand times I won't answer them. I have better things to do with my time. And if people aren't going to listen to the other people on this board with vast amounts of experience, they certainly aren't going to listen to me. So be careful of how you want your sandbox, you may drive most of us with information and no patience away. This is my hobby, yelling at and getting annoyed with newbies, while occasionally entertaining, is not fun.

 

[LovinTheSmallAndFurry]

I personally don't respond well to the blunt, tell-it-like-it-is communication mode. It's not the way I am, and it is not the way it is at my workplace.

I've always been taught that there are two distinct parts to effective communication…the content, and then the process or presentation of the information, with the latter being equally, if not more important than the former. I think that's forgotten sometimes on the internet.

People reading/advising online don't have the benefit of eye contact, intonation of voice and other communication cues that we use when we're face to face. That in itself can lead to a lot of miscommunication, misinterpretation and hurtful feelings. Effective communication can only occur if the receive understands the exact information or idea that is being sent.

Sugarcoat it anyway you want, but some of the best advice is never heard because of the presentation and this forum is no exception, regardless of our mutual interest of the safety, love and betterment of chinchillas.

Just my dos pesos.

Well said, and agreed.

 

[Claire D]

I think sometimes comments can be taken to far. This is out of control. No one can be this angry all the time.

........................

This is my final post to this thread.
Thanks for proving my point.

I'm a little confused - why do you think this thread is "out of control" or that anyone here is angry? I'm genuinely curious.

Some people on this forum have posted disrespectful and mean things. It's unnecessary and frankly, it can anger me immensely. But it's how they are communicating at the moment. As long as it isn't counter productive, I usually don't think much about it.

Some people here do post idiotic things, as well. Some of them are merely ignorant and others just don't have the same morals shared by most members.

Since written language relies solely on verbal nuances, the perception of someone's message can (but not always) be significantly different in each reader, depending on how it's read.

Not taking it personally and sticking up for yourself is key, like others have stated. If someone's response is malicious and does not help, tell them. If someone's response is malicious and does help, you can either tell them or ignore the maliciousness (to the extent you are able to) and only be concerned with the helpful bit. It is hard to deal with something offensive or hurtful, but it is easier to try and not take it to heart, at least for me. If someone is unable to do that, I don't think they should be belittled for it, though I know many members seem to disagree.

I'm intrigued by your use of words in this post, Caiti - your use of the words "disrespectful", "mean", "malicious" & "offensive" are emotive & I think it illustrates beautifully how other people's posts can be interpreted. :thumbsup:
For example, I don't think anyone posts maliciously (i.e. deliberately harmful, spiteful, full of malice) even if they post bluntly.

In general I have to say - the written word is the most misunderstood and misinterpreted form of communication. It is often not possible to discern someone's intent from what they have written and all it takes is a little hyper-sensitivity on the part of the "receiving person" to escalate a situation which may be perfectly innocent into a huge argument. Interpretation of a sentence, statement, question, or phrase can vary from individual to individual and from situation to situation and is often dependent on how a person is feeling at that particular time.

Animal forums are notorious form bringing out the extremes of passion in people. Lets face it, there's not a single member of CnH who is not passionate about their animals and this often comes across in posts/threads. Discussions turn into slanging matches; questions of clarification are interpreted as a personal attack; statements which are succinct are seen as blunt/rude. Defensiveness comes into play in a massive way and then everything deteriorates. The use of emotive language is often the precursor to a rapidly deteriorating thread.

The whole idea of CnH is to inform, educate, support, encourage and promote the well-being and good husbandry practices in chinchilla keeping - in order to do that, sometimes it is necessary to ask questions to gain clarity - it's also a great opportunity to help newer or less knowledgeable members understand the complexities and subtleties of chinchilla genetics, hereditary conditions, good buying/selling practices/information. Regardless of the intention, even that can be interpreted in a negative manner.


Another thing which comes into play on forums is the differences in language use - I have often found that words are used differently between continents - we Brits can be flowery at times & your US peeps can make us take a sharp intake of breath with how you write some of your posts. It's one of the things I love about being a member of an international forum but sometimes I have to re-read something a couple of times to make sure I haven't got the wrong end of the stick. Word can also have slightly different meanings to different people too which always makes life interesting.

One of the things I have noticed is that people who are being succinct (i.e. briefly & clearly expressed) in order to get a point across get accused of being blunt/rude/mean.



Different forums have different "flavours" & that's fine because not everyone is the same - as we've seen on this thread, not everyone responds to a post in the same way. Some forums are educational, some are rescue oriented (& no-one is allowed to even mention breeding or kits *gasp*), some are very chatty & "nice", & some are down-right dangerous in their attempts to please everyone by being sugary sweet. Wrong information given in a "nice" way is still wrong information & if the forum is set up not to allow anyone to assertively argue for the proper welfare of the animals then those very animals suffer. What often amuses me about those kinds of forums is CnH members go there to slag off how nasty we all are but they run back here PDQ when their chin is sick - why? Well, because here you get the right advice & support, even if you don't like how it is presented.

 

[Mt. Zion Chins]

I have to agree with most of the posts here. When I first joined this forum, I thought a lot of people 'attacked' newbies. Then I realized that wasn't so - as many said the written word is hard to decipher. You can't see the person - notice facial expressions, eye movement, etc. So often the 'word' sounds harsh when it is not. The longer I am on this forum the more I understand where 'the oldies' are coming from. Now I realize that the older, more experienced people are just trying to explain in plain language. Some get extremely frustrated with people who refuse to listen and then they sound rude, etc. Remember, it takes all kinds of people to run a forum or be a part of one to make it interesting and informative

 

[ticklechin]

:clap::clap: Well said!

On the flip side, you have those of us who do have information to contribute that decide to limit our posting and just lurk because we get sick of being ignored and repeating ourselves. I haven't been around long enough to be considered one of the oldtimers, but I have been around long enough to know better. It is not worth my time to scream or piss into the wind and so I won't do it. I will generally post when I think I can contribute something, particularly to genetics topics, but for the general questions that have been asked, answered, and ignored a thousand times I won't answer them. I have better things to do with my time. And if people aren't going to listen to the other people on this board with vast amounts of experience, they certainly aren't going to listen to me. So be careful of how you want your sandbox, you may drive most of us with information and no patience away. This is my hobby, yelling at and getting annoyed with newbies, while occasionally entertaining, is not fun.

 

[Amphy64]

Oh I agree. I don't think, though, that people responding to threads always take the time to read what they write and think of how it sounds (or how it could be read). I'm so used to posting threads for my online classes (which have to be "perfect" and have to be read in the right tone if I want to receive all of the points) that anymore, I read my posts at least twice before I actually post to the thread. Doing so, I often catch things that, as you said, could be worded better or worded in a way to draw out less defenses... but I'm not sure everyone cares so much about that kind of thing.

I would prefer for people to think of me as helpful, rather than harsh. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar (or something like that?). At least for the people I deal with (mainly the people adopting rescues), I've found that I can nicely suggest, well, you do this because of this, and people listen (the ones that really care about the chin anyway). I had someone call earlier today asking about what would be a good cage. I told them, pet store cages are fine, but that I would take out all the plastic shelving and replace it with wood. I explained that we once had a rescue that was impacted, to the tune of vet bills of $1000, and so it's cheaper to fork over the money for the wood shelves now than pay for the vet bill later. Now, I have no idea if that person will heed the advice (I suppose I'll find out if they ever decide to adopt from us, shelve-type is a question on our form), but I know I got a better response than saying that pet stores are crap and no good cages can be found there and only idiots would use plastic shelving...

About your comment regarding letting someone who's calm post - I second that. Sometimes we all need to take a step back and say, you know, someone else can handle this. I've really learned to reign it in over the years, the rescue has really helped me with that. One of our latest rescues came in eating ONLY potato chips, chocolate, grapes, raisins, and drinking (get this) beer. I about died when I got to the home and saw all of that in the food bowl/water bottle...I asked what she was being fed, and that was the response... I believe I said "oh, ok" (that was the best I could manage, without going a bit overboard). That's not quite the same thing as what we're talking about here, but it's the same concept - you learn to take a step back and calmly respond, and so get a better reaction. In that situation, it really didn't matter - the chin was coming in, the lady wasn't getting another (she was OCD, literally, the mess was too much for her), so she'd never feed another chin those foods, but the concept is the same - if someone called me up and said they were feeding that, I would try to either calmly tell them why that's bad, or refer them to here or ChinNation and tell them to read about what to feed (if I didn't think I could calmly respond to that).

I think that's absolutely true, people don't always realise how what they've said may come across, depending on how it's read. Like you with your online classes, my Eng. Lit. degree basically trained me to be pretty attuned to nuances of language, so it may mean I'm more aware of it. If a situation is a sensitive one, it's probably something that's worth thinking about, because, as you say, it may mean you get a better response, which is in turn better for the animals.

Gosh at that story, that poor chinnie, I'm glad she's with your rescue now. That kind of patience you showed is really admirable, I don't know I could have handled it so well, but often it is absolutely the best thing to respond calmly. Sounds like the lady may unfortunately have had more problems than just OCD, to think it was Ok to give an animal beer rather than water, goodness (I have OCD myself, clinically diagnosed, but -looks at mess around Henry's cage- fortunately I don't mind chinnie mess. I think it's funny when I find yet another chin poo in my bed. ).

 

[LexieHeg]

I come here for the intention of getting information. I didn't expect to find people who wanted to be my best friend...I wanted support from people who have had experience with my new pet. I have a vet who I can get medical advice from her whenever I want it - but I can't get stories of experience from her, so that is why I joined.

I am lucky to have had positive experiences so far on here (I am on the hedgie side, not the chin side), but I do read most posts on both sides of the forum and while some do seem a bit harsh - I have no idea if the writer intended them as that and to be honest, it doesn't matter one bit. What matters is the advice they are giving and I personally would happily accept any advice given to my by these "oldies" because they are the reason I am here. When I read posts I hold back judgement because the tone I get from the post could be completely opposite of what the writer meant. I just focus on the advice. If there isn't any advice, then I move on to the next without dwelling on it but making it personal and emotional is not worth the stress you put into it. I came here because I wanted people with experience to go to for advice, I'm not about to get angry because they didn't deliver it the way I wanted them to... Good advice is still good advice even if its delivered in a poor method, you just have to remember to look past that because its about your pet, not the owners.

Just my two cents...