Help for a suicidal boy

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Chinniechantel

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I just heard that my 16 year old cousin tried to kill himself twice over the weekend. It breaks my heart, he is a good looking kid, very unique and funny. He was the life of the croud at my sister's wedding just 6 months ago.

He just got released from the hospital for attempting suicide, and his family is extremely worried. His mom is battling a horrible autoimmune disorder that has her on chemo and other horrible stuff, so she feels like crap, it is hurthing their marriage so they fight a lot, and the son, I will call him, K, is just falling...he is so depressed, he does not want to succeed in anything, they have tried everything from boxing to sailing and nothing even peaks his interests. He now has a horrible girlfriend, and the parents think it may be some weird suicide pack or something...but cannot be sure. He took pills to try to do it, her cancer pills and alcohol and some pm medications...luckily did no major damage I guess.

They don't know what to do- Should they send him away from CA where he lives, and all the stress that he is having, and the gf, and send him to MN where my brother (who is a little older and wiser, and K really looks up to him) can be with him? Antidepressants take a month to work, and I don't know if he has that long. He is on something but it obviously isn't working. Can they force him on a plane? Make him take some valium or something? Force him into some rehab? Anyone deal with a situation like this or have any advice to offer them for me? Thank you for reading this.
 
i think it would be a good idea to send him to the family member you mentioned whom he looks up to. Has he been hospialized for treatment of feeling this way? I know here in VA if you try to commit suicide they take you to hospital for pumping the stomach to get all the meds out of your system and then they put you in the mental hospital to be watched 24/7 and a doctor is always there.
I am very sorry to hear about this and I hope he gets help with this as soon as possible ! I will you and all your family in my thoughts and prayers. !!!!
 
I wouldn't try putting him on a plane himself, and I don't know how someone not trained could "force" him to take pills. I would probably send him to MN, he would probably be better off there, away from whatever is bothering him, but not unless someone can go with him. If he tried to kill himself, I would worry that he might take off at the airport, here, there, or at a stop over, and try something again. If your brother could fly and get him, or his father fly to bring him and then go home and leave him, it would probably be better. Good luck. It's very difficult to deal with this.
 
I am sorry you are dealing with this. Since he is only 16 he is still a minor and can be signed into a facility. but maybe since he looks up to your brother they can give that a try first?? Probably a good idea to get away from the girlfriend. Teens & those intense love feelings make a kid do crazy things. He probably should get away from the drama.
If it doesnt work there is always the possibility of sending him somewhere where a medical staff can monitor him. My thoughts are with your family.
 
A suicidal teen needs more than just going to family at this point. Especially since he just attempted twice. He needs professional intervention.

There is Edgewood Ranch in Orlando--they are awesome people. I'm not sure what age group they take, but they would also have places to refer you to. The Baptist Children's Home in Jacksonville, FL will also have resources. I can help you via PM if you need it--I was on staff at a home for troubled teens for 6 years.
 
Chantel, the family needs to call their suicide prevention hotline and get help from a counselor. Most suicides occur in the mentally ill. Most likely there is a NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) in their area. These people offer a wealth of services to be able to help both the family and your nephew. You can visit NAMI.org for information.
Your nephew should not be alone under any circumstance.
I'm surprised the hospital released him without setting up any kind of counseling. He really does need to see a psychiatrist and receive counseling.
My life was touched by suicide when I was 16 and a boy I liked very much killed himself. He was very smart and seemed to have the world ahead of him, so I understand how surprising it can be when things like this happen. My dear friend, Larry, killed himself on New Year's Eve and there has not been a year on that date that I don't recall him and the tragedy of that night.
My sister Lynelle works for NAMI and battles mental illlness so I know by contacting NAMI.org it is the best thing you can do.
I hope to hear better news concerning your nephew in the future Chantel. He will be in my thoughts.
 
Yeah, a place would probably be better, but if he can't go to a professional place, staying in an environment with fighting and a sick parent, with a potentially bad gf, would probably be a bad idea, even with counseling. If he gets help and medication, hopefully he will do better.
 
When I was young, I had a good friend who attempted suicide many times. It finally took her going into a sort of rehab for teens. She got counseling, was watched over closely, and could be visited by close friends and family. She also got out of the house where she seemed the most depressed. She changed dramatically after that and seems happier to this day. I will keep you and him in my thoughts and prayers.
 
My brother committed suicide when I was 20. He was 16. He needs to understand that any problems that he has are only temporary. If he can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I think that time away with someone he looks up to would do a world of good for him.
 
I am also going to advocate some sort of facility and professional treatment. They will also be able to help if he has any other issues fueling his depression.

He is young, but the appropriate course of action depends on if he wants to help himself and how self-aware he is. He still has some sort of clarity of mind since he failed to kill himself. It also depends on if his depression is chemical or situational. Medication can make things worse if applied improperly. A professional should be able to determine the best treatment for him if he is receptive to it.

If he's not willing to go to a facility or remove himself from the situation even temporarily, at least get him to a psychologist. The psychologist can refer him to a psychiatrist if he/she thinks medication would be helpful. His girlfriend may be feeding into his depression by making suicide seem like an acceptable option or compounding whatever sense of hopelessness sent him down that path.

Just be careful not to treat him like there's something wrong with him, like he's inadequate or broken or anything along those lines. He will shut you out long before you can even propose treatment. I'm glad somebody is trying to help him, it's too late for many other people who we loved and cherished.
 
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I think that an in-patient facility is the way to go. First of all, it is not fair to your brother to put that much pressure on him. It would be just terrible for the whole family if "K" got to your brother's house, and attempted or even succeeded at suicide. I'm not sure about your family dynamics, but it could cause terrible guilt for your brother, and possibly even blame on him (although it of course would NOT be his fault at all).

Plus, if "K" has already attempted twice, there is a very high risk that he will attempt again, especially without round-the-clock monitoring, professional counseling, and most likely medications. At an in-patient facility, all of that will be provided in a safe environment.

Also, his mother really needs to focus on getting herself well, and worrying about his well-being right now could really drain her and hurt her immune system. If she knew he was being taken care of, safe, and really working toward getting better, it would ease her mind and help the whole family. This would also be better for his father, who currently has to worry about both of their lives. And, maybe this would give both parents an opportunity to work on their marriage.

Just some suggestions. I will be keeping your family in my prayers as you all go through this hard time and make difficult decisions!
 
I do also think he should be in some facility for him and receiving treatment. He need proffesional help so he gets better and does not make a third try. Best wishes for all your family.
 
I agree with everyone else here and that he needs to go to a facility to be watched over. I am VERY surprised the hospital sent him home, especially after trying twice. The hospital near me will put you in a ward to be watched over with counseling.. they would NEVER EVER send someone home. If he is determined, he will try again. It actually makes me pretty angry they sent him home.

He needs counseling to help determine his problems and to help him through them. Family and medication alone cannot do that. He also needs to understand that suicide is a very, very selfish act. How would his mother feel after going thru what she has to go thru and then having her son kill himself on top of that?

I hope everything turns out okay & I am wishing you and your family the best.
 
searchand_dstry said:
He also needs to understand that suicide is a very, very selfish act. How would his mother feel after going thru what she has to go thru and then having her son kill himself on top of that?
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Just an FYI, this is not something you would ever want to say to a suicidal person. They've got enough guilt, depression, etc. that you don't want to make them feel even worse...

Depending on the situation, it may not be necessary for him to be admitted into a residential treatment facility, but he should definitely be under the constant care of a counselor/psychiatrist/psychologist...whatever is available. Just sending him to a different location to a family member and putting him on meds is probably not enough to get him healthy again.
 
beanjelly said:
Just an FYI, this is not something you would ever want to say to a suicidal person. They've got enough guilt, depression, etc. that you don't want to make them feel even worse...

Depending on the situation, it may not be necessary for him to be admitted into a residential treatment facility, but he should definitely be under the constant care of a counselor/psychiatrist/psychologist...whatever is available. Just sending him to a different location to a family member and putting him on meds is probably not enough to get him healthy again.
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when I was 14-15 I was very, very suicidal and was hospitalized for attempting. This was the ONLY thing that really got me thinking about how stupid it all was... so depending on the person, this may be something to bring up to them.

Not necessarily go up to them and say it's selfish, but bring up the people they are leaving behind. That was kind of my point & sorry I didn't clarify it.
 
I have some experience in this because when I was younger, (even though I am still young) I was suicidal, my parents sent me to a psychiatrist to work everything out and that worked wonders. I never was on anti depressants or was sent away. When your in that state of mind it helps to know that there are people who love you and I dont suggest that you send him away to a facility. I would send him to a psychiatrist or to someone who will be delicate to the situation and help him recover. Best of Luck to you.
 
Thank you so much everyone. It truly means so much to me that you offer such personal and touching advice. I should make it clear that the hospital did admit him, but only for 24 hours. I believe the 2nd attempt was more of a freak out/threat to do it again than actually doing anything, but still, very scary for the parents.

He says he feels like he wants to mean and horrible to everyone, so they will hate him. He wants everyone to hate him so they will not care when he is gone. That just makes my heart hurt. It is so sad.

I thought about the pressure on my family member, and that is rough. But, he has 3 aunts/uncles in MN all with kids he really loves, and are around his age, a grandma that he is really close to, and basically everything he loves. So maybe we can find a treatment center there. That way we get him out of CA, and still into treatment. I do think treating the illness, he is either severly depressed, bi-polar, or something, so Laurie, I will definitely have them call that center. Proper medication could do wonders. Thanks again everyone, I just need something to tell the parents- they are still in shock and just not thinking clealy. I think to get him out of the house is not only for his own good, but for his mother's health as well.
 
Trying to get everyone to hate him does sound like he already feels that it is a selfish thing to do. He doesn't want the guilt associated with causing that pain to his loved ones - to me it sounds like the most important thing right now is for the family to reassure him that they love him and always will.

I'm no psychotherapist, but that's my take on things... best of luck to your family Chantel, I know this has to be a rough time. :hug:
 
I really hope they get help for this boy. My heart just aches for him.

Many times there will be repeated attempts. After the first attempt, the fear of trying to kill yourself is gone. It gets easier to think about and then actually do it. I really hope they are pro-active and aggressively pursue getting help for him, even if he fights it or refuses.
 
You've gotten some good advice, and I don't have anything really to add except I will keep you all in my prayers. I hope for the best for him.
 
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