Frustrated

[searchand_dstry]

Thank you guys for your support/advice (I'm 19 btw) and I do agree his house his rules, but he said he has no problem with me having it, he has no problem with me bringing anything in his house, he's just dangling it over me. I'd much rather him say "No it's my house" than to say what he's been saying. And I'm very responsible, my room is spotless (I'm the biggest clean freak ever) and I have a chores list longer than my college text books :/ He just wants me to focus on school and I am but I just don't understand why he thinks I'm responsible enough to own a pet, he doesn't mind it in his house, but he says to wait over and over and keeps changing dates. Whatever about owning a pet though, its not that that bothers me so much as him not letting me enjoy a hobby ever. Like I'm artistic he just discourages me drawing, he's just weird and its annoying :]

If he is saying that he doesn't want you having one because he is worried you won't focus as much on your school work.. than explain to him how chinchillas are nocturnal animals & the chin will be sleeping while you're at school. Also (if you haven't already) explain to him that chinchillas are not like dogs. It's not like it will require your undivided attention & need to be trained. Maybe he's just getting the wrong idea, you know? You can also tell him that you can focus on studying & homework WITH your chinchilla! Take your books in with you during your chinchillas playtime, that is what I did while I was in school.

If he still doesn't budge, just wait it out. My mom used to be like this when I was younger. It does no good to argue or anything, usually just makes it worse & actually makes them say NO. I always gave the positives to my mom & if she still didn't move on the idea I would wait for a while & bring it up again.

Good luck!!

 

[HaleyGoBoom]

Mom knows, but Dad doesn't know about 4 of the 8 Hermit Crabs, the three hedgies, or the new Gecko. The fish were in the living room 2 days before he noticed them. I moved home with a cat and a dog, which both stayed, but he didn't lnow they were coming. Then came another cat that just appeared. If it's in my room, he doesn't know. Better that way. Even my 5 year old knows who he can and can't talk to about which of the animals. Works here. The Hedgies cages are 3 levels high. I would say if he never goes in there, get all in when he's not around, set up, and move in. maybe he won't notice.

haha that made me laugh :] that's a lot to not notice!

 

[PeaceB2U]

My dad is far from being what you would call an animal lover. There were no animals in his house while I was living there including my four years of college. While I wasn't happy about it, I had to respect the rules in his house. At least I didn't have to pay rent or for meals while I was attending college.

Believe me once you are out on your own you can make up for the animals you didn't get to have. I certainly have. LOL And just think of how prepared you will be with your research on chinchillas once you can have one.

 

[Nancy]

I think sneaking an animal in is not only childish and irresponsible, it also shows a complete lack of respect for the person whose house you are living in. To have a 5 year old join in the deception is terrible. It teaches the child not only is it ok to hide things from parents but it's ok to lie.

Sneaking one in is not the solution. Be responsible about it and work with your dad on it. Show you are mature and responsible enough to have one in the near future. And remember the saying, "good thing come to those who wait".

 

[Jeanette]

I totally respect the 'his house, his rules', but the fact that he discourages you being interested in something is what would make me mad. It sounds as though he's jealous of the fact that you have interests/ something that makes you happy. I had that same sort of experience.

 

[tunes]

To me, that sounds just a teeny bit controlling.

A little bit? I would have said he sounds like a control freak, making up for when you lived at mom's.

I think sneaking an animal in is not only childish and irresponsible, it also shows a complete lack of respect for the person whose house you are living in. To have a 5 year old join in the deception is terrible. It teaches the child not only is it ok to hide things from parents but it's ok to lie.

Sneaking one in is not the solution. Be responsible about it and work with your dad on it. Show you are mature and responsible enough to have one in the near future. And remember the saying, "good thing come to those who wait".

Ditto. Sneaking in a pair of shoes is one thing, but a live animal? Not a chance. That is just asking for a huge, huge problem down the road. Also, I'm pretty sure that setting a precident for a 5-year-old to lie is not a good thing. If it's okay to lie to one person, it no different than lying to another.

An animals life and home, btw, should not depend on whether a 5-year-old is capable of maintaining deception from an elder. That's just wrong.

 

[Courtney]

I'm the first to admit that parents can be unreasonable when it comes to pets, but like everyone said, "his house, his rules". Maybe he just has a reason for saying no to a chin now -- it could be that he's planning a surprise for you for your birthday, Christmas or graduation. Maybe he knows something you don't, and it's easier to say no than provide a reason.

 

[HaleyGoBoom]

A little bit? I would have said he sounds like a control freak, making up for when you lived at mom's.



Ditto. Sneaking in a pair of shoes is one thing, but a live animal? Not a chance. That is just asking for a huge, huge problem down the road. Also, I'm pretty sure that setting a precident for a 5-year-old to lie is not a good thing. If it's okay to lie to one person, it no different than lying to another.

An animals life and home, btw, should not depend on whether a 5-year-old is capable of maintaining deception from an elder. That's just wrong.

I think I missed whoever said sneak it in and have a five year old lie, lol, but I would never do this as my dad doesn't like animals and that tactic wouldn't work, but I don't think whoever posted that was serious lol.

Anyways, thanks again guys and I'm waiting it out, I'll just ignore him as far as him not wanting me to find interest in it, still making those treat jars and shalt shakers and he can kiss my butt!

 

[Spoof]

I started with chins just like you are. Started with one summer of my Freshman year. Granted, I was moved out. I could never live with my folks and go to college.

Good luck! You can certainly do it, and they make you very happy.

 

[mishellyshel]

Haley--you will get your chinny one day and he will be one lucky chin, cause he was SO SO wanted!! Keep doing your creative thing and keep your mind busy.

Michelle

 

[NewMommy2Chins]

I wish you the best Haley. Chinnies are definately great pets and I would go crazy without them. I hope your dad changes his mind so that you can start your life with your new chinnnie. (

Good Luck !

 

[Nancy]

I think I missed whoever said sneak it in and have a five year old lie, lol, but I would never do this as my dad doesn't like animals and that tactic wouldn't work, but I don't think whoever posted that was serious lol.

Here it is.

I don't think this is the correct answer really, but I would just go and get him without saying anything. Never failed me yet, just bring it home and it's hard to say no to a fuzzy face.


Mom knows, but Dad doesn't know about 4 of the 8 Hermit Crabs, the three hedgies, or the new Gecko. The fish were in the living room 2 days before he noticed them. I moved home with a cat and a dog, which both stayed, but he didn't lnow they were coming. Then came another cat that just appeared. If it's in my room, he doesn't know. Better that way. Even my 5 year old knows who he can and can't talk to about which of the animals. Works here. The Hedgies cages are 3 levels high. I would say if he never goes in there, get all in when he's not around, set up, and move in. maybe he won't notice.

 

[HaleyGoBoom]

Oh I see Nancy, well rest knowing I wont be doing that, and I do have a six year old but he's an honest Abe lol, he stole his little sister's favorite movie because she kept hogging the TV watching it 6 times a day, and when his mother asked he just said he stole it and it was under his bed. I think they're like that because they never get punished and see no problem owning up or something.

but I don't want to judge tskoffina I'm sure there's more to it than her being sneaky :]

 

[tskoffina]

I asked if I could get more pets, Dad said no, Mom said yes. She said bring it home anyway. Dad is loosing his hearing and becoming a cranky older person. Mom's house, Mom's rules. She pays the bills. If she said no i prob wouldn't have done it. And Philip wouldn't lie if asked, he just talk about it in front of him. He doesn't talk about much in front of him because everything is a fight, even for a 5 year old. Even at that age, without being told, he know what not to say. I never thought about it till Mom suggested it. And he knows better then to go adainst her.

 

[Cinder and Me]

Sometimes its hard living with parents who are use to ruling the roost, and not considering that their child is growing up to be a young adult. And now that you are a young adult, you need to speak to him like a young adult. I'm not saying that you haven't or that you are immature, I'm just speaking out loud here. If you haven't already, sit him down (perhaps during dinner) and ask him "dad, what's the problem?" *Talk* to him, don't pout, complain, cry, yell, etc., just talk to him and see what's going on in his head. My dad is a real hard @ss, and it took me years to finally figure out how to talk to him, and now its pretty great actually. The only pets I was allowed to own while living at him were fish, hamster and rats. I was already out of the house by the time I got my chinchilla (19 and a sophmore in college), but I know he would have said NO to a chin while I was living at home. Why?? Because my dad would rather sit in 85 degree heat during summer inside the house than turn the AC on, and needing to have the chin area cool enough for her, was not going to go over well with my dad. Now when I visit, its not big deal b/c its just a few days (and my mom loves it since its cooler lol). He's gotten better over the years about AC expenses, but I still don't think he'd like to have to keep the upstairs room in Southern California cool during summer. I can even understand that!

Talk to your dad, try and come to a compromise, and if all else fails...wait. You won't enjoy your chin if you sneak him/her in, or have to really go through a massive fight to have him/her live in your dad's house.

 

[tskoffina]

Sorry, missed the window to edit. Didn't mean to start anything, and wasn't seriously suggesting that anyone do what I do / did. My situation is different, and one of the reasons I do it, and why it's ok for me. I put the deposit down on the house at 15 out of my money from my savings. For 3 years, 17-20, I gave all of my money to mom to pay bills while Dad was out of work. I do all of the upkeep and repairs on everything around my house. It's as much my house as his at this point, but really my mother's.

I'm sorry to have caused any problems on this, good luck talking to your Dad. Maybe you could take him on a field trip to see the one you love. Maybe if he's confronted with the cute fuzzy face, and the things they do, he will give it more serious thought.

 

[HaleyGoBoom]

Sorry, missed the window to edit. Didn't mean to start anything, and wasn't seriously suggesting that anyone do what I do / did. My situation is different, and one of the reasons I do it, and why it's ok for me. I put the deposit down on the house at 15 out of my money from my savings. For 3 years, 17-20, I gave all of my money to mom to pay bills while Dad was out of work. I do all of the upkeep and repairs on everything around my house. It's as much my house as his at this point, but really my mother's.

I'm sorry to have caused any problems on this, good luck talking to your Dad. Maybe you could take him on a field trip to see the one you love. Maybe if he's confronted with the cute fuzzy face, and the things they do, he will give it more serious thought.

Oh I had no problem with what you said, :] I thought it was funny that your dad didn't notice. That's why I said there's probably more to it ^_^

 

[Becky]

What job can you have at 15 that gives you that kind of money?

I would never go against either parent's wish. If a parent doesn't want an animal in the house, you may some day come home to missing/injured/dead pets. It's just not worth the risk.

 

[tskoffina]

Some of it was birthday money saved from never spending it, I worked under the table at 14, full time at 15. Left school at 16 to get a better job, and worked for a local gov't at 17. Didn't make a lot at the beginning, but all went to Mom. Dad had a hard time for many years making enough or any money. He would never do that because then his stuff would dissapear or he would. He know not to cross Mom. Almost 40 years of marriage, and Mom says she keeps him because it would be to expensive to do anything else with him.

 

[Jeanette]

A little bit? I would have said he sounds like a control freak, making up for when you lived at mom's.

My statement was supposed to be a wee bit sarcastic. I guess I have to be more clear. Yes, it's very controlling. When I was in high school, I had a job that I worked about 20 hours/week at, was in 3 school bands and was on music council. Not to mention that I took private trumpet lessons. I paid for everything (clothes, lunch, transportation, trumpet lessons, anything extra I wanted). It didn't seem right to ask my parents for $. There were even a few times where my parents borrowed money from me because something came up (unexpected vet bill, surprise increase in some bill). I would never look down upon them for borrowing money though. It wasn't common for them to do that, plus they appreciated it a lot. But they were always debt free.

Even then, my parents tried to tell me that I was 'obsessed' with things and that I should quit music. I was a busy person, but I was happy and successful! I got amazing grades and I loved what I was doing! They soon realized that no matter how miserable they made me, I was still a free spirit, had a head on my shoulders, and that I wasn't going to back down!!! :innocent: