Stuck in a rut

[dragsil]

So I've been living in Sweden for six months now and I've gone completley stir crazy. I go to language school for 15 hours a week and volunteer at a horse stable 12 hours a week but apart from that I'm struggling to find things to do. It's hard since my boyfriend works from 7am to 8pm most weekdays and come weekends he just sits there and plays video games all day long, every single weekend. It's difficult, I keep pushing him to do things with me but he has this constant obsessive stress about money, and then I feel guilty since I have no income at the moment. I've been going to the gym and doing zumba and yoga but it's still very hard to meet people in this particular town since it is so small and people really don't like to speak English to me and my Swedish is very basic still. It's frustrating, since back home in Australia everyone is so welcoming and I had a great support network of friends and family and here it is hard to get anyone to tell you the time of day since they are so set in their ways.

Am I being unreasonable by expecting him to make an effort every few weeks? Last time we went further than half an hour away from our tiny country town was before Christmas and as I am a city girl at heart, I'm not sure how to make this work. I'm the kind of person who likes to have more on my plate than I can handle and thrive under pressure, so have been feeling very lost these past few months.

Going back home is not really an option, my bf can't get an Aussie visa for another two years and even if we did go back we would have to leave the chins behind, which would break my heart.

Sorry for the rant, but it feels slightly better to vent my frustrations. Advice would be well received!

 

[addictedtochins]

Oh, I feel bad for you. I could not do it, no way! Sorry, but I would be home asap.

 

[momenteller]

No real advice for you, just sympathy. I so admire you for moving to another country and trying hard to make it work. I don't think its unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to put in more effort. Maybe say, you understand he needs some downtime, but perhaps one day on the weekend you promise to let him be lazy and not pressure him, if the other weekend day he promises to do something with you. Then make a list of low-cost outings you can do together and let him pick.

Can you get a part-time job? (Or full-time? Not sure what your restrictions are). That would give you more to focus on. Or perhaps take up a new hobby?

Good luck!

 

[dragsil]

Thanks for the sympathy It's been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life so far!

We actually went for a walk and talk today and both agreed that we need to move to a bigger city within Sweden, with this town it's very much a case of everybody being related/knowing eachother from eight generations back and everybody is in eachother's business, as an outsider people gossip and speculate and it gets back to me which bothers me, why not come up and say g'day to my face rather than studying me from afar?

Getting a job should be easier in a bigger town too, I have a full work visa but nobody here will hire me since they want to give the positions to their brother cousins instead :S

As long as he doesn't get stuck in a rut too and we end up living here forever, his entire family on both sides live within a five minute drive from us and all have had the same jobs since they were 16 (my bf is a fully qualified forensic and analytical chemist but is currently working on production line at a factory with his dad who has been at the same position there for 35 years)

I went on a 40 minute bus ride today to the closest open coffee shop and sat down with a latte and a book, it was the highlight of the past two weeks

 

[Hammie]

I'd lose my mind! I recently left everything to live with my fiancé in a college town where he is finishing school. I feel for you on meeting people. I work, but as a nanny so nothing there. Everyone in town is involved at the college or just interested in drinking and or dating and I'm set in those areas. Kelvin and I have a deal that he games on weeknights after work and we spend some weekends together and others I go out of town. It takes a lot of work on both our ends. Hang in there!