I need parent help, please.

[Jenn]

I posted this on facebook for any input I can get from friends there, and also thought parents might be able to help me out here. I think my 11 year old son, Josh has become a little jealous over the attention his older brother, Brandon gets because of his seizures. For a bit, Josh would pretend to have seizures himself. Then he would constantly have small movements - touching his face or scratching his head. Now he seems to have a tick - more like he makes this quiet sound over and over again that he says he can't control. But it seems to not happen most of the day, more toward evening, and definitely more when someone is around to hear. I think he is just looking for attention, and this isn't some condition that has suddenly popped up. Do I address his new "condition" and give him the attention he seeks, or do I completely ignore it so that he will stop making this sound as a way to get attention? Any ideas?

 

[smhufflepuff]

You can certainly bring him to a doctor to help rule in/out a physiological basis. He'll likely learn it's not fun to be poked and prodded if he's faking it. Or you'll find out something new about him that may be amenable to treatment.

I'd address it head-on: "Josh, I've noticed a little tick you seem to have picked up over the past couple months. I'd like to get that checked out by the doctor." Then I'd ignore it (well... keep track, but don't react to it) until it's time for the appointment so as neither to reinforce it if it's for attention nor pester him over something that he can't control. In the meanwhile, I'd make sure to support him in other activities... like if he plays soccer or piano or is in scouts... which would be good parenting either way.

In the interim, to explore your hypotheses, find out if it happens in other situations (eg, at school, friends' houses, church/temple/etc.. ).

 

[Twilight Chinchillas]

We have 2 special needs children here, but one likes to do things to get attention. I'd first take him to the doctor to rule out any medical issues, though based on what you say, it does sound a little like he's seeking attention. I would certainly hate to be wrong though, and you know your child best.
If it is ruled out non medical, but behavioral, maybe sit down and explain that's not how we get attention. Are you able to make special time for just him? I know it can be hard raising kiddos with special needs. I admit that I don't always get to give my other child with no issues extra attention, but do try.
I wish i was more help.

 

[Jenn]

We try not to give Brandon any overly special attention with his seizures. Josh just knows how disappointed I am every time Brandon has a seizure. I've told Josh on several occasions that I can't wait until they end someday. Otherwise, the only other attention Brandon gets is taking him to his neurologist and making sure he takes his medication twice daily.

Josh gets a lot of individual attention, so I'm not sure why he would find the need to make up a condition to get more. I am pretty sure this is just behavioral, as it has just recently popped up, and I don't hear it happening constantly. Only at certain times which I believe is when he remembers to perform his act. He has had so many short lived acts of late, that I think this is just the newest performance. I can certainly take him to the doctor to rule out something medical, but I'm wondering if this would appeal to him and strengthen the act even more. I am a stay at home mom and I am able to give both boys a lot of attention, but I guess the main issue is why Josh would feel the need to make up an disorder? He is my lovey-dovey child. He likes to cuddle still and tell us that he loves us...something must be missing...

 

[smhufflepuff]

We try not to give Brandon any overly special attention with his seizures. Josh just knows how disappointed I am every time Brandon has a seizure. I've told Josh on several occasions that I can't wait until they end someday. Otherwise, the only other attention Brandon gets is taking him to his neurologist and making sure he takes his medication twice daily.

Josh gets a lot of individual attention, so I'm not sure why he would find the need to make up a condition to get more. I am pretty sure this is just behavioral, as it has just recently popped up, and I don't hear it happening constantly. Only at certain times which I believe is when he remembers to perform his act. He has had so many short lived acts of late, that I think this is just the newest performance. I can certainly take him to the doctor to rule out something medical, but I'm wondering if this would appeal to him and strengthen the act even more. I am a stay at home mom and I am able to give both boys a lot of attention, but I guess the main issue is why Josh would feel the need to make up an disorder? He is my lovey-dovey child. He likes to cuddle still and tell us that he loves us...something must be missing...

Perhaps "the doctor" is not just the pediatrician with referral to a neurologist, but also to a behavioral health specialist. Little fella might need to talk about how his brother's condition affects him to someone outside the family.

 

[WhiteTree]

I'm not a parent but I had seizures as a teen and I have a younger sister. She resents me because of the attention I got when I was sick. She started acting out against me with verbal abuse. I highly recommend taking both of your sons to a therapist to work out the issues or you'll end up with a situation like mine. My sister has damaged our relationship to the point of no return. She eventually turned violent towards me. I've disowned her and won't have anything to do with her. When my mother was busy caring for me my sister developed bad behaviors that couldn't later be reversed. She's a liar, a thief, selfish, rude, and can be violent. We're now in our 20's and have nothing to do with each other, she calls when she wants something like money or property of mine. I put her number on my reject call list. She was just in the hospital the other night, I went to be there for her but as soon as she got her phone back from the nurse she didn't need me and threw me out of the room. I won't have anything to do with her. I'd hate for your sons to become like us. She actually tried on several occasions to convince me to commit suicide. Your younger son needs to get help because his behavior can progress to a complete hatred towards your older son. Then your older son feel responsible, I know.

 

[Bostongirl'sChin75]

I am a parent of a child with a few special needs and I know how hard it is to make time for all of the children in the household and make them feel that they are loved and that I spend enough time with all of them. My 14 year old was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, Auditory Perception Disorder and Anxiety Disorder. On top of this, he also has ADHD, and has had it since he was 5.
I also have 2 other children, a 16 and a 11 year old. The 16 year old is very well rounded and has no issues to speak of, but I am starting to see some of the same behaviors you have described, in my 11 year son. I attribute this change in behavior to the fact that the 14 year old has taken up a lot of my time here lately and that even though I try and make time for all of my children, he is feeling neglected.

My advice is this, and I am no expert, outside of my own experiences; even though you are trying to spend time with your young son, so he does not feel left out, to him it may not be enough. Try and make a "date night" for just you and him. Let him pick what he wants to do, whether it be a movie or going to the park. Do this once a week, or once every other week and see if that helps his behaviors. If after a few weeks, the behaviors do not subside, or if they get worse, it may be time for a medical intervention such as counseling.

If you really worried about this though, which you sound like you are, you can always take him in for a check up too, just to make sure that there is nothing organically wrong with him. After the outcome of that, then you can seek help for what to do next.
I hope that you and him find out what is wrong, if anything, and are able to resolve it.

 

[Jenn]

I appreciate everyone's thoughts and ideas. So far, he doesn't seem to be getting worse, and seems to forget to make these noises most of the time. I think the biggest thing for me to remember is not to make a big deal about my older son's seizures. Josh has seen how much they upset me, and that was irresponsible of me. So between downplaying Brandon's seizures, and spending more time with Josh, I am thinking we can keep this from becoming worse. My kids are the most important thing in my life, and I am home full time to give them my complete attention. I also plan on ignoring his noises he is making for now. If it progresses to something more severe, or doesn't go away after a period of time, then I'll look into this further with his pediatrician and a psychologist if necessary.

 

[Hammie]

One suggestion I have that doesn't address either condition directly is mommy-son dates and daddy-son dates. My parents saw a counselor once to improve their relationships with us and she suggested taking each of us out on a special "date" once every certain amount of time (ours was every other month). Take each of them out to do something they choose. Let them plan as much of it as they can based on age. Make a really big deal of it, even if the dates aren't anything more than lunch at mcdonalds. It helps to distract from any specialized attention either of them gets for any other reasons and helps the child to feel special without comparing himself to siblings.

Also, as a child, I had health problems. My siblings were jealous of the fact that I got to miss school for doctors' visits, got lunch at mcdonalds after visits, got a beanie baby every time I had blood drawn, etc. They didn't see them as doctors' visits. They saw them as additional privileges for having doctors' visits and they were things they couldn't earn because they couldn't go to the doctor all willy nilly. It sounds silly to us, but it's how the child brain works.

 

[3chins]

My first thought is Tourettes but then that is because my son has it. That is exactly what they do, odd little things over and over, the touching the face over, scratching his head and over and now the vocal sounds.
If it is he doesn't have control, for the most part my son isn't aware of the tics vocal or otherwise. I just don't say anything when they are happening because he can't control them and I don't want him stressing over them. They come and go some days are worse then others then they will stop for a long period of time, then out of the blue they are back usually with a different tic then before.

 

[Jenn]

My first thought is Tourettes but then that is because my son has it. That is exactly what they do, odd little things over and over, the touching the face over, scratching his head and over and now the vocal sounds.
If it is he doesn't have control, for the most part my son isn't aware of the tics vocal or otherwise. I just don't say anything when they are happening because he can't control them and I don't want him stressing over them. They come and go some days are worse then others then they will stop for a long period of time, then out of the blue they are back usually with a different tic then before.

If he continues to do this, I will have him checked for Tourettes. How do they check for it? Is it simply by observing his habits or is there more to the diagnosis? Also, would it just come on suddenly? And would he have one habit for a period of time, and then switch to a new habit?

I am hoping this is just a cry for attention and not something more. I think the mother-son date is a great idea and I will incorporate that into our routine.

 

[3chins]

With my son he was younger and would pat the back of his diaper repeatedly then that stopped. Another time he would shrug one shoulder, another time it was like he was making a face repeatedly. Really just different odd movements or noises that would last a while then disappear sometimes never to be repeated and later[days/weeks]some other movement/quirk would start.
He was dx when he was at a center being tested for autism. They said he didn't have autism but he had Tourettes. It was because he had the physical tics and also the vocal tics. I was suprised when they told me that.
If it continues I would try to get it on video[without him knowing of course]so you can show the doc. To be considered Tourettes they have to have both physical and vocal tics.

In the mean time I would just ignore what is happening, trying to have him stop can make it worse because a lot of times they are not aware they are doing it.

If it is a cry for attention and you act like you don't notice it he may stop because he isn't getting the results he wanted or he may become more dramatic that you KNOW he is faking it. Hope that made sense.

 

[Jenn]

With my son he was younger and would pat the back of his diaper repeatedly then that stopped. Another time he would shrug one shoulder, another time it was like he was making a face repeatedly. Really just different odd movements or noises that would last a while then disappear sometimes never to be repeated and later[days/weeks]some other movement/quirk would start.
He was dx when he was at a center being tested for autism. They said he didn't have autism but he had Tourettes. It was because he had the physical tics and also the vocal tics. I was suprised when they told me that.
If it continues I would try to get it on video[without him knowing of course]so you can show the doc. To be considered Tourettes they have to have both physical and vocal tics.

In the mean time I would just ignore what is happening, trying to have him stop can make it worse because a lot of times they are not aware they are doing it.

If it is a cry for attention and you act like you don't notice it he may stop because he isn't getting the results he wanted or he may become more dramatic that you KNOW he is faking it. Hope that made sense.

Thank you for the help! I do plan on ignoring this for now, just so I can see where this leads. It will either continue or stop, then I can go the right direction with treatment at that time. He started this whole thing by mimicking his brother's seizures, so that is why I am pretty sure this is just a cry for attention, but I certainly don't want to have my mind totally set in that direction in case it does turn out to be something real. We'll see how some increased mommy and son time does.

 

[mercynursie]

Just always remember that going through puberty for both boys and girls is prime time for medical problems to start showing up and/or worsening.Their bodies are going through hormonal H*** and that tends to let things start esp seizures/tic, etc.So if it doesn't stop all together,please consider a visit to just make sure he is clear physically.

 

[Jenn]

Josh is 11 and is far from puberty. Brandon, my older son with seizures that did start during puberty, has been going through obvious puberty and has been gaining a lot of height in a short period of time. And his seizures are blamed for his active hormones.

Josh is still small and very much boyish yet, but has always been very dramatic and likes to draw attention to himself. He can also be the class clown. He is my baby, no matter how old he gets! lol.

I am very much on top of my kids health and will certainly be seeking help if I believe this is more than just an attention getter. He is actually doing his noises less every day, so I think he is already passing this phase. It has just made me realize I need to watch my own behavior more so that I don't upset my kids. And I need to give him more time, even though we do a lot together already, I am still willing to give my kids as much time as they need.