****BREAKING NEWS****
There will be no charges filed against the owner of a local popular nightclub. In a press conference held at noon, the District Attorney announced there would be no charges filed against Handbag "HB" O'Brien, owner of Handbag's Funhouse and Bar on Main Street.
"We have uncovered additional evidence of a earlier incident involving the employee Gore Illa," said Lynn O'Chin. "Apparently there was a situation earlier in the evening involving this employee and some toe-touching under the stall in the men's restroom." Mr. Illa is a legal resident from Hungary here in the US on a work furlough program.
Ms. O'Chin went on to question the legitimacy of the surveillance photographs and the possibility of Photoshop.
"I've been good friends with him for over 2 months," said close friend Shelly, who asked we protect her last name. "It smelled like a setup from the beginning." Ironically Shelly and other women, are not allowed in the all-male bar but were there to support their friend.
An irate EMT on the scene, "Anna," said, "well, what do you expect when you have a bunch of boys, some hay and a chin spin all in one place? I say duct tape them all!"
The employee, Gore Illa (no relation to bartender GorillaJTA) was charged with indecent exposure and tonight remains behind bars (get it, gorilla…bars…hahahahaah)
There were also 911 calls reporting a crazed woman in the bar parking lot shouting about her "hostile uterus." The incidents were unrelated and no charges were filed in that case.
