SIL overreacting on daughters weight?

[Laurie]

My mother likes to say she is brutally honest when in fact she is a b*tch. She has commented on my weight my entire life, which I have constantly struggled with. The bottom line is when you're fat you know you're fat--you don't need someone telling you you are. And someone telling you you're fat doesn't suddenly make you want to lose weight. Instead it spirals you further into depression, where for the most of us, we eat even more because food is comforting to us. I was taught how to eat, I know what's good for me and I know what isn't good for me. But what I didn't receive was guidance in how to deal with troubling issues--sad issues. Food is what I turned too to make me feel better if I was sad or depressed. Parents don't need to just teach their children how to eat right and excercise, they need to teach their children how to mourn, how to accept defeat, how to deal with their anger or depression. They need to learn healthy ways to deal with these things and not that food will always be the answer. I don't know if this is the situation with this young girl or not, but my experience has shown me poor self esteem often stems from parents not really tackling the issues of it with their children at an early age. A lot of the times when people are heavy or obese it has to deal with the mental health more so than their physical health.

 

[BooBoo*TheKiddo*]

Personally, I think your SIL is a little overreacting. One of my nieces wore a size 10 at the age of 9. I don't think she's over weight. That's my opinion though

Also, I wanted to add that MS (assuming you mean Multpile Sclerosis) doesn't have anything to do with weight (skinny or not). My mother has had MS for 15 years, so I know some about it.

 

[Ash]

Everyone seems to be going at this with the mindset that the poor girl IS fat, when Nicole has already stated that she's not. Her mother, quite frankly, is being a royal "witch". Does she realize that by not eating until full can also lead to weight gain? If you don't "fill" up (on good food, not junk), your body starts to store food for 'later' and therefore packs on pounds.

Also, she's pre-pubescent. In a few years, she's going to hit a growth spurt and everything is going to "level" out. Rather than yelling at her about eating too much, there should be an emphasis on healthy eating. If she's getting yelled at for an extra portion at a meal, I can't even imagine what happens if she wants a snack at home, which is a part of a healthy diet.

The outbursts like that are definitely going to cause issues later, especially if she compares herself to her mom who is skinny. Maybe you can get the hubby to talk to his sister?

 

[Brittney]

See, I'm in the middle on this. Not sure which way to go:

If everyone (magazines and health people) say that a size 10 is on the "overweight side", then I can see why her mother would be freaking out. Me, personally, when I was that age, I was the same weight I am now and wore the exact same pant size, which is a 10. I was never, nor will I ever be one of those stick thin girls. I've tried, but it never happens. Both sides of my family have "thick" women. Not fat by any means, just all have ****s and a butt to put it frankly. I always got picked on at school because everyone said I was "fat". It made me feel really self conscious. Then I got into high school and I was the same weight, but I got taller (5'8") and everyone said I looked really good, but from all of the teasing in high school, I looked at myself as fat. Joined swim team which made my legs thicker due to muscle. That doesn't go away easily. Then I started horseback riding which added even more to it. I still wish I was tiny, but I'm finding out these days that guys don't find super thin women attractive. I've been told I look good by men and women and there is no reason for me to doubt that.

Every kid is going to put on weight at different times. If you look back at your pictures from when you all were little, I'm sure everyone was chunky at one point in their life.

I'm still riding the fence on this one.

 

[Sasha]

I agree completely with your post Laur. I feel the same way. I know how to eat, I know whats good for me - I've lost 100lbs before but the stress, and drama and grief... yeah that's what makes it worse.

Ive struggled with my weight alllll my life. My Opa was over 400lbs (before he got cancer and now, of course, he's losing like crazy) but that didn't stop him from constantly commenting on your weight. Just last Christmas, I had the flu and hadn't eaten for 3 days. I sat down for Christmas dinner, still feeling nauseous but figured I would try to eat something. He turned to me and said "You can't pass up a meal, can you?" But that's the kind of jabs I get, and they are in no way encouraging or make me want to change. Like Laurie said, it just makes it worse.

 

[Riven]

They don't have extra money for any kinds of lessons, because my SIL's husband is selfish. He gets what he wants, he always goes to movies, he has every action and sci-fi and comic book based movie out, they have a Blazer they can't really afford because HE wanted it, his brother's cell phone is on their plan and he never pays for it on time... That is another story all in it's own though.

I kind of agreed with a point someone made about their family being controlling... and I wonder if she's is trying to control this because it's about the only thing she can. I get the impression that her husband often makes her feel like her opinions don't matter, he often seems to say and do things without taking her into consideration, and also she is very sensitive to things if she feels someone who is supposed to be "on her side" isn't. I think a lot of times he'll agree with her and go along to "keep her happy" but sometimes the truth comes out, this was very evident in a discussion about religion once and she was VERY upset with him that " they agreed and talked about this" and it wasn't just HER views... She is much thinner than anyone in her family ( her mom is not a skinny lady but not obese either, and her dad USED to be very overweight until he started walking everywhere, literally he'd walk to work and back and it was at least 2 miles each way ) and I never see her eat much at all. I am wondering if perhaps she has an eating problem herself. She does not work out that I am aware of, at one point she said something about wanting to work out, and they are not extremely active as a family.

I brought it up last night to John and he is very protective over his sister ( that one in particular ) and I didn't want to get him worked up, but he actually got very worked up against her, saying it doesn't matter even if she was fat ( which he clearly stated she wasn't ) and he brought up the "the only reason my sister is skinny is because of her MS ", and I told him that was not true, that I did research and MS has nothing to do with weight, in fact contrary to his thoughts, girls who are overweight or obese have more chance of developing MS ( which might be another "concern" of his sisters ), he got very quiet and the wheels were turning, he was very upset, not at me, but at the situation. I actually ended up diverting him because I didn't want an all night discussion about it.

 

[tunes]

Everyone seems to be going at this with the mindset that the poor girl IS fat, when Nicole has already stated that she's not. Her mother, quite frankly, is being a royal "witch". Does she realize that by not eating until full can also lead to weight gain? If you don't "fill" up (on good food, not junk), your body starts to store food for 'later' and therefore packs on pounds.

My comment had nothing to do with her being fat. My comment had to do with her mother's perception of fat. Some ultra thin people think that anyone who isn't the same weight as they are, are diseased. Like if they sit next to someone who wears a size 10, it might rub off and they will no longer be a size -3. I don't believe a 9-year-old who wears a size 10 is fat. I do believe she can be solid, as Nicole stated.

 

[danakscully64]

I think your SIL is overreacting and her actions are likely going to lead to issues in the future. When my Mom was in high school, her step father put a Jenny Craig ad on her bedroom door. Her Mom used to say things about her weight as well. My Mom was NOT heavy AT ALL, I've seen photos (the biggest she could have been was a size 6/7). My Mom is 52 (53 on New Years Eve) and STILL has food issues to this day. She eats about 1/2 the portion she should be eating and her meals are rarely healthy. For lunch she'll have 1 bowl of sugary cereal. For lunch she'll maybe have 1 english muffin with peanut butter and jelly and a can of soda. Her afternoon snack is something sweet like ice cream. For dinner, she'll have maybe 5-6 bites of a main dish and a roll. There's no way she eats more than 1,200 calories a day (and she doesn't exercise). It worries me that she won't live as long as she could because of her restrictive diet. She has admitted to me that she's afraid she'll be "fat" again. She's about 5'2" and currently 104 pounds (her lowest point was 90, after she had my brother - she has 4 grown children). It makes me sad to hear and see that.

I bet your niece is eating a lot because she's growing, bored, or it's just comforting for her. I think it's up to your SIL and brother to keep her eating healthy and active. Parents are giving their kids more junk, more sodas, and they aren't getting out as much. When I was a kid, I'd stay outside for hours and hours. Kids today seem to stay inside more and watch a lot of tv and play video/computer games. Rather than scolding your niece, your SIL should teach her about HEALTH, not weight. What kind of meals does she prepare at home? Your niece may be overeating because she's not getting enough nutrients. Many kids these days eat horrible meals... chicken fingers, fries, and soda, stuff like that. There's also so many hormones, antibiotics, calories, fat, and cholesterol in meats, so if she's eating a lot of that, it could be contributing to her being on little bigger. Fast food and restaurant kids meals are also getting larger, so that doesn't help. Some restaurants have kids meals that top 1,000 calories. It's scary. Some kids keep eating because it's there and their body adjusts to eating that many calories.

I can't stress enough how damaging these actions can be. I hope everything works out for her

 

[Riven]

While unloading my camera I found a picture Hailey took of my cute little niece, her and my husband were discussing candy canes, lol. Even from this view you can just see the fat rolls on her... :neener:

 

[Laurie]

Nicole you're niece is very cute! There IS an issue though--it's not fat at all, but someone needs to teach the poor girl never to have chipped nail polish! UG it's one of my big pet peeves LOL!

 

[Riven]

LOL When she was little she had super curly hair that was always wild, and it went very well with her wild personality!

I'll be sure to give her the message about polish. I rarely wear polish because I'm always cleaning cages, or doing chores like in the summer maintaining the pool and such, that it never stays on long, and it drives me crazy too! I end up picking it all off that nail, then it looks stupid because one nail is naked!