just need somewhere to vent my frustration

[yummychinchillatoys.com]

Since I have no friends I needed somewhere to vent my frustation. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to get this out.

In the last 2 1/2 years my Ex has taken me back to court 6 times to try and take my kids away from me, all so he doesn't have to pay child support anymore. 5 1/2 years ago I moved to idaho with my husband and I took my kids with me. I talked to their dad many times before I left and he told me to go ahead and take the kids, that he wasn't able to take care of them on his own. My mom even called my Ex and begged him not to let me take the kids, and he told her the same thing, that he couldn't take care of them on his own. My husband and I lived in Idaho for almost 3 years. My Ex called my kids once a month and sent them christmas and birthday presents and that's it. The state of Idaho went after my Ex for child support because I got state medi cal for my kids. After living in idaho for almost 3 years we then moved to Los Angeles, California to take care of my grandma that had just had a stroke. We lived in L.A. for 6 months and again my Ex only called once a month to talk to my kids. He lived 3 hours away from L.A. and never once came to visit his kids. We even offered to bring him down to our house and my dad, who was visiting at the time, would take him home the next morning and my Ex said no, that he already had plans to go to a football party. After 6 months of helping with my grandma she was well enough to start caring for herself again so we moved to my dads house (which is only 2 miles down the road from my Ex's house). We lived with my dad for 6 months before my Ex filed his first set of custody papers trying to get full custody of my kids. In that 6 months he came and got his kids one day a month, at his choosing. My kids called him every weekend and either he didn't answer and they left him a message or he would tell them no they couldn't come over. We went to court and he ended up getting my kids every other weekend. 3 months later he filed again trying to get full custody of my kids. The judge wanted to leave it as it was but my kids were so happy that finally after 4 years of their dad not being around that he was finally paying attention to them, that I made the biggest mistake of my life and told the judge that I would let him have half 50/50 custody. Week on week off schedual. And its only been down hill from there. My Ex and his new girl friend have made my life a living **** ever since. After going to court 4 more times, all dads filings. We are now going to court for the 7th time this friday, december 9th. Everytime my Ex files paperwork, it is full of nonsence and lies that I can prove to be lies. But this time he has gone way over the edge by saying that my husband is going to molest my 13 year old daughter. He put so many lies and nonsence in this new paperwork that he just filed, it makes me so mad. I wish we had the money to hire a lawyer but we just paid off the lawyer we had for my husband daughter. By the way, we got full physical and legal custody of with permission to move her from Idaho to California 3 years ago. We just can't afford to hire another lawyer. My Ex even went so far as to put in the paperwork he just filed that if the judge doesn't give him what he's asking for he is going to appeal his decision. I hate having to go to court every few months because my Ex doesn't like the outcome of the last court decision. Specially right now. I have been trying to study for my finals and all I can think about is what bull**** (excuse my language) my Ex is saying in his paperwork and now having to gather all my proof to prove his lies wrong. My Ex isn't hurting me or him by continuing to take me back to court, it's hurting my kids. Their behavior has changed so much for the worse since he has had them 50/50. My son has been suspended 2 times and his teachers call me all the time with things my son does. My son is only 9 and is in 4th grade. My Kids are in counciling and still its not doing any good with my sons anger. I just don't know what to do. I'm mentally tired of all this court crap. I know for a fact that if I could get a lawyer, that would scare my Ex enough to back off. I should have never let him have 50/50 custody of my kids, but my kids were just so happy to have their dad back in their life, it felt like the right thing to do at the time for my kids. My kids are everything to me, I love them so much and I hate that they have to go through this.

 

[kerri101]

Im sorry you are going trough all this.....I have children too ....I know you were thinking of your kids by allowing them to have time with there dad even after how distant and non-present he was in there lives....there are many who would say forget letting the ex see the kids if they are not paying child support/helping out and for that you are a fair woman....as a criminal justice student and one who has degrees I am familiar with the legal system and family courts do have downfalls when accusations are made...he will have to prove his claims although an accusation can have affects ...I know its hard but please stay strong for you and your children , and I think in the long run your kids will know who was behind them and see him for the man he is or he is not. I can say this from my own experiences and separation I had gone though with custody issues.Keeping this all in is never a good thing even if you can share what is going on, and are able to write/type it it can help release some of the frustration and pain.

 

[momenteller]

Have you looked for someone to provide pro bono legal advice? I googled Visalia, CA pro bono family law, and it brought up a few results. I would contact some of those and go from there.

 

[yummychinchillatoys.com]

Have you looked for someone to provide pro bono legal advice? I googled Visalia, CA pro bono family law, and it brought up a few results. I would contact some of those and go from there.

yeah I have called some places and they either tell me that they have met their requirement for pro bono work for the year or they don't do it. I've even called lawyers to get a consultation and they all wanted a hundred dollars or more to see if I even have a case.

Im sorry you are going trough all this.....I have children too ....I know you were thinking of your kids by allowing them to have time with there dad even after how distant and non-present he was in there lives....there are many who would say forget letting the ex see the kids if they are not paying child support/helping out and for that you are a fair woman....as a criminal justice student and one who has degrees I am familiar with the legal system and family courts do have downfalls when accusations are made...he will have to prove his claims although an accusation can have affects ...I know its hard but please stay strong for you and your children , and I think in the long run your kids will know who was behind them and see him for the man he is or he is not. I can say this from my own experiences and separation I had gone though with custody issues.Keeping this all in is never a good thing even if you can share what is going on, and are able to write/type it it can help release some of the frustration and pain.

Thanks for the support. I am trying really hard to keep going for my kids. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and the entire 6 years have been one of us going to court with our Ex for custody. I just want it all to stop. It has been such a strain on my entire family.

 

[caiti]

I am so sorry that is happening to you. I don't have any advice except keep trying. There are always stories of custody battles you hear, but I never understood people who randomly want to get sole custody of their kids when they couldn't have cared less before. Do you think he's doing it maliciously, to hurt you or your family? Or do you think he really believes he's turned a corner and is now a better parent than you are? It seems crazy to think that someone actually believes putting their kids through these battles is the best thing to do for them when they obviously have a loving parent where they are. If he really did change and is a great dad, I think 50/50 custody is fair and although he might want more, that's not in the children's best interests and it's the good parents who will recognize that. Take it day by day and remember to breathe.

 

[yummychinchillatoys.com]

I am so sorry that is happening to you. I don't have any advice except keep trying. There are always stories of custody battles you hear, but I never understood people who randomly want to get sole custody of their kids when they couldn't have cared less before. Do you think he's doing it maliciously, to hurt you or your family? Or do you think he really believes he's turned a corner and is now a better parent than you are? It seems crazy to think that someone actually believes putting their kids through these battles is the best thing to do for them when they obviously have a loving parent where they are. If he really did change and is a great dad, I think 50/50 custody is fair and although he might want more, that's not in the children's best interests and it's the good parents who will recognize that. Take it day by day and remember to breathe.

No he is only doing it because he thinks if he has my kids full time then he wont have to pay child support. He doesn't understand the purpose of child support and thinks he shouldn't be paying child support now with having 50/50. He makes over $3500 a month and I only make $927 a month. He doesn't understand that child support is meant to give the children the same way of life at both households.

 

[Ash]

Call your county assistance office, they may be able to help with someone who can provide legal advice, or the county court house.

 

[Laurie]

Through many places of employment they have an employee assistance program--can you check through both yours and your husbands job and check into this? This is definitely something they will/do help with

 

[Twilight Chinchillas]

I'm really sorry your going threw all of this. I don't have any suggestions, but my thoughts are with you. One would think the judge or someone higher up would look at all of his little tricks, and say enough is enough!
Sad that he doesn't take into account what this is having on his children...

 

[mercynursie]

I agree with Christine. I'll definitely be keeping you and yours in my prayers. I thank God every day that I have Tammy as my daughter.She legally is my step daughter,but to me she is my daughter.I could not love her more if I had given birth to her.By the time her father and I met I had already lost the ability to ever have a child due to cancer.So she is my blessing.Her mother has taken very little interest in her life,but before Tammy was of age to make her own decisions we saw to it that she had contact whether or not she(her mother) wanted it or not! Tammy is now a beautiful young woman strong in Christ and with a good head on her shoulders.I had wanted to legally adopt her after we got married but my husband feared if we tried to do that his ex would stir up trouble(after all he has full custody and she has/will never pay a penny for child support-which is how he was able to have full custody and an uncontested divorce even though she abandoned them)!I made a promise to myself and my Lord that I would never say a bad thing about her mother or put Tammy in any situation where she would have to choose between visiting with her mother vs. something else with our family.Not to say that I didn't blow and speak my mind,just never where Tammy would know about it.Now that Tammy is almost ready to finish college and start another huge step in her life,her eyes are open to alot of her mother's trouble.To sum it up she has a "Mother" and a "Mom" guess which one I am blessed to be called and also the one she looks to for love,comfort and guidance when the mean old world throws a curve ball.I say this all because I'm not trying to be pushy but if you are active in Christ you need to speak with your minister/priest/preacher about the situation.You may find that they can help connect you with people who can help you with your battle.Also I believe that there is a group Christian Family Services that might be able to give some guidance. Just know that there are many heart sisters praying for you!:hug2:

 

[yummychinchillatoys.com]

Call your county assistance office, they may be able to help with someone who can provide legal advice, or the county court house.

Through many places of employment they have an employee assistance program--can you check through both yours and your husbands job and check into this? This is definitely something they will/do help with

I'm really sorry your going threw all of this. I don't have any suggestions, but my thoughts are with you. One would think the judge or someone higher up would look at all of his little tricks, and say enough is enough!
Sad that he doesn't take into account what this is having on his children...

I agree with Christine. I'll definitely be keeping you and yours in my prayers. I thank God every day that I have Tammy as my daughter.She legally is my step daughter,but to me she is my daughter.I could not love her more if I had given birth to her.By the time her father and I met I had already lost the ability to ever have a child due to cancer.So she is my blessing.Her mother has taken very little interest in her life,but before Tammy was of age to make her own decisions we saw to it that she had contact whether or not she(her mother) wanted it or not! Tammy is now a beautiful young woman strong in Christ and with a good head on her shoulders.I had wanted to legally adopt her after we got married but my husband feared if we tried to do that his ex would stir up trouble(after all he has full custody and she has/will never pay a penny for child support-which is how he was able to have full custody and an uncontested divorce even though she abandoned them)!I made a promise to myself and my Lord that I would never say a bad thing about her mother or put Tammy in any situation where she would have to choose between visiting with her mother vs. something else with our family.Not to say that I didn't blow and speak my mind,just never where Tammy would know about it.Now that Tammy is almost ready to finish college and start another huge step in her life,her eyes are open to alot of her mother's trouble.To sum it up she has a "Mother" and a "Mom" guess which one I am blessed to be called and also the one she looks to for love,comfort and guidance when the mean old world throws a curve ball.I say this all because I'm not trying to be pushy but if you are active in Christ you need to speak with your minister/priest/preacher about the situation.You may find that they can help connect you with people who can help you with your battle.Also I believe that there is a group Christian Family Services that might be able to give some guidance. Just know that there are many heart sisters praying for you!:hug2:

Thanks guys for all the support and prayers. The people on this forum are more my family to me then my own family. I love everyone on this forum. I want to so badly call my mom and talk to her about all this but everytime I call her to talk she just ends up yelling at me and making me feel like a peice of crap. She trys to tell me how to live my life even though I am a grown women. I'm 33 years old and can/ have made my own decisions since I was 18 years old. I have never made any trouble, and never been in any trouble. I've always been a good girl and played by the rules. Thanks again everyone for your much needed support. it really does make me feel a lot better.

 

[yummychinchillatoys.com]

Well, I went to court on December 9th and the judge left the order the same except now both me and my Ex have to take Anger management classes along with Co-parenting classes and my Ex lied so much to the judge that now my husband isn't aloud to be left alone with my 2 oldest kids. My husband never hits my children, like my Ex claimed. My Ex didn't even have any proof of anything he was claiming either. the judge did nothing but yell at me for calling my Ex a liar. He said I was verbally abusing my Ex. What ever. The judge was being such a butt head that day.

 

[mercynursie]

URGH!! Sorry things aren't getting better for you.As frustrating as the classes may be though it may work to your advantage,esp if your ex is just putting on a show.Make sure you keep up with your part of the judge's order to stay in compliance.Let your ex make his own trouble.A little wise country saying "you can give a skunk a bath and he might smell better for a bit ,but he will still stink like a skunk eventually"!Your ex may just need to let his Old Spice wear off so the judge/family courts can smell him for the skunk he really is!If I am not mistaken the judge will get updates on class attendance,recommendations etc.Someone else might can say for sure,but if he messes up with the court/judge ordered classes he won't be able to hide his stink!

 

[caiti]

Your ex may just need to let his Old Spice wear off so the judge/family courts can smell him for the skunk he really is!

I hope that made you giggle and cheered you up as much as it did me! I'm sorry things didn't turn out exactly as hoped, but don't get raw about having to go to a class. Almost always we learn something from things even if we don't necessarily think we will. You might as well milk the class and see if they offer any good tips or more likely, just general support. Then maybe it can help you figure out how you want to handle this ongoing situation.

 

[yummychinchillatoys.com]

Yeah Before we went to court I had already signed up and paid for the co-paranting classes. The anger management classes are going to cost me $615.00 though. My husband even said that is going to take the anger management classes just to prove to the judge that he is willing to do anything to prove to him that he loves my children and would never hurt them in any way. Thanks for all the support guys.

 

[ChinnyMom]

the court has mandated that you take a course that is going to cost about two thirds of your personal monthly income??? solely based on your ex's lies?? that's ridiculous.

 

[yummychinchillatoys.com]

Yeah, it is ridiculous. We had to go talk to a mediator first and he wrote in his report to the judge that me and my Ex had a lot of anger towards each other. So based off that the judge made us both take anger management classes. I think it's Just a way for the government to get more Money out of people. The sad thing is, is that I have actual hard evidence that can prove my Ex is a liar and the judge wont even look at it. It's Really frustrating.

the court has mandated that you take a course that is going to cost about two thirds of your personal monthly income??? solely based on your ex's lies?? that's ridiculous.

 

[ChinnieShop]

Anger management is a joke most of the time just another way for the city to make money of peoples cases. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this, it really sucks when for the kids to be dragged through all this, instead of your ex doing it for the kids, he is just doing it to be spiteful. It will all work out though, and the kids as they grow up they will realize who the real parents are, just be strong and stick it out.