Is it bad that I dislike my brother?

[ReneeM]

I am the middle child of three. I have an older brother who is 32, and a younger brother who is 24. My older brother and I have not gotten along for at least ten years or more. I'm very heavy set, and from the ages of 14 to about 23 my brother called me a " Fat Witch" with a B daily, or whenever he got the chance when he moved out and got married. It stopped about the time he had his first child, thanks to his wife yelling at him. I hated him for it. It did wonders for my self esteem . He is not a nice person, and is not someone I would hang around with if I had a choice. I love him because I have too, and as big of a jerk as he is, he IS my brother.

He has done so much to hurt my patents over the years as well. He got married and didn't tell them for two weeks. There was no family friction or anything, so he really had no reason. My parents have not forgiven him, or his wife. He was not there to see my mom in tears after it happened, and my mom never cries. My parents both told me they would kill me if I ever did that to them.

He also thought it was funny as heck when he burned a computer my dad had given him years ago because it was "broken". My dad could have fixed it.

So much more has happened as well, but things I really can't go into. He takes advantage of our parents.

I get along with him well enough now, but he is still a bully to those he works with and other people.

If I had a choice I would not keep company with him. I love my nieces and nephews though.

 

[Jenn]

Some family members just don't seem to be worth the time if they don't make any effort on their part to be a decent person. My husband has a brother who is a worthless human being on every level. I won't go into the details, but he is not the type of person we want around our kids, and we haven't spoken to him in almost 10 years, although my mother-in-law makes it known all the time that she totally disapproves of this whole situation. She has blind eyes when it comes down to her older son even though he verbally abuses her and uses her often...in addition to all of the other things he has done to make us shun him.

Be civil with your brother if you have to, but you certainly don't have to like him, especially if he has never given you a reason to do so!

 

[Encantadora]

I dated a guy with a difficult older brother. His dad made the brother leave a restaurant once and told him he was a jerk. So not liking a sibling isn't so bad. Not all are likable.

 

[saphire]

You choose your friends, but not your family.

The word family means you have the same blood, nothing more. It predisposses you to a bond, but it is not always the case when it comes to personnality. First of all we are individuals and that means what it means. You don't have to like what the others are because you have the same blood.

As Jenn said, be civil like you would with a co-worker you dislike. That is what it basically comes down to. Nothing more, nothing less..

 

[perabalaofmystery]

i agree with waht the others have said . just be civil.
personaly i am unable to get along with my mother. she was verbally abusive to me my whole life though when other people were around she was "a great mum" she was horrible to me behind closed doors.
i would always have to be on guard to to attempt to avoid setting her off.
due to that i have mild ptsd, and formally horrible anxiety.
now that ive struck out on my own im finally able to move on and recover. what really saddens me is that i was the only child treated like that. she was/is a strict mother to my younger sister but she is never cruel to her.
you cant choose your family. you just have to live with them.

try to be as kind and civil as you can manage.

lol i always say keep "dangerous" things at a stick poking distance. close enough for interaction but far enough way so you can run like h*ll if they go after you.

 

[BooBoo*TheKiddo*]

I agree 100% with what everyone else has said. You don't have to like him at all.

I'm the middle child of 5 kids. Growing up we were all really close, but by the time we became teens, not so close and I didn't like any of my siblings. I'd rather be as far away from them as I could and often I was. If they were home, I'd be in my room or something. They did things that I didn't like or agree with, so I didn't communicate with them unless I absolutely had too.
As we got older and they started moving out things didn't really change.
After my oldest brother got married and after my nephew was born, we've become closer. We respect each other and have each others back. Often make jokes about how the others must have been dropped down a flight of steps as a child. He has 2 kids now and I adore them both and spoil them like crazy. I'm my nephews best friend. haha
The 2nd oldest brother I don't speak to and if I do, it isn't nice. He was horrible to grow up. He stole from all of his, was always trying to split my parents up, etc. 3 of us don't speak to him in a nice way at all, not even civil because he doesn't deserve that much.
The brother who is younger than me....we were good until he started spreading lies about my dad, and now I haven't spoke to him in 3 years. He is now married (he invited me through my mother, and I didn't go).
My sister, the only sister...she still lives at home here and there. She is a wild child who cares about no one but herself. Best friend to your face but runs her mouth about you behind your back and thinks when you find out that you have to right to be mad. Thinks everything belongs to her and she is gods gift to men (of all ages; single or married)...and she is only 18. :O I'm civil to her while she is at home just to avoid arguing but 85% of the time I ignore her existence or we are fighting/arguing. 15% of the time we can get along in short burst.

So no, it is not bad to dislike your brother. :-D

 

[PetoftheDay]

Not only is it not bad to dislike your brother, you are all adults now, and you need not communicate with him at all if you don't feel like it. Every family has a different dynamic, and for different reasons, and there's likely not much you can do to change him now, so just let it be. I have a friend who found it much easier to deal with life if she thought of her mother as "that crazy aunt every family has" instead of her mother. Maybe you could think of that guy as not your brother, but some distant cousin!

 

[DianKS]

Meanie Relatives

You are a sweet, kind woman and he sounds mean as mud. You will never pacify him because his bullying you is just his way of covering his own lack of self esteem. If you asked him I bet he is unaware that he is cruel. He would probably say "I was just teasing, can't you take a joke" or "I was being sarcastic". The idea of being civil if forced to socialize was great. I have tried to pacify my sisters in law for 25 years and know that it is a lost cause. I ignore their advice and as much as possible do not visit their homes. If you are in your home (your territory) bullies are more reluctant to attack. You mentioned teasing about size. My 21 year old daughter was large from age 6 months on. At age six we found out she had Hashimoto's thyroiditus and even when it was treated she continued to gain weight. At age 15 and 295 lbs she had lap band surgery and lost 100 lbs by age 17. She has stayed the same weight since. All through her childhood I gave her such positive feedback that she was not overly concerned about her weight. The odd thing is that my 16 year old who is very tiny was treated for anorexia this year. She gained 25 lbs in the hospital and is healthy in head and body now. Know you are beautiful and smile with your spirit!