Raindog
Well-known member
I am divorced, my ex was an alcoholic, and it did not end very well. I was very depressed and was in therapy for a while for it. I am now in a good relationship. He has been my best friend for 2 years and we have officially been dating for a little over a year. The problem is that sometimes something will happen and I catch myself looking for similarities between him and my ex in negative ways. Like today, he blew off work and was complaining how behind he was. I said, would you be mad at me if I pointed out the obvious? LOL.
I understand why he did it. And he really can, in a way, work like that. He is an IT guy and can take phone calls from everywhere. Anyway, we are going on vacation on Monday and he really needs it. He has been really stressed. Anyway, he always takes a half day on Mondays to hang out with his dad's retirees club at the bar, this week he then worked a crazy long day on Tuesday and at this point we both totally have vacationitis. I would skip work too if I could.
But then my irrational brain starts kicking in and I'm thinking: "What if this is the beginning and he keeps blowing off work to hang out at the bar? What if he becomes a daily drinker? Maybe this is the sign that he will become an alcoholic and treat me like crap. Maybe I should break up with him before it all goes bad and it destroys me again."
Then my logical brain says "no it doesn't mean that and this is why..." And then my head explodes. I really feel on the edge of the depression when I get like this.
I have talked to him about my neuroses and he is understanding but I don't want to be like "I don't like that you did this because my irrational brain is worried that it means that you will turn into my ex." Every time I loose my mind a little.
I am not anti-drinking at all btw. I like to drink sometimes. I go with him on Mondays to the bar.
And I really do not want to break up with him. He really is my best friend. The best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe that makes the crazy worse.
I just really hate it when I get like this. How do I stop my irrational mind?
I understand why he did it. And he really can, in a way, work like that. He is an IT guy and can take phone calls from everywhere. Anyway, we are going on vacation on Monday and he really needs it. He has been really stressed. Anyway, he always takes a half day on Mondays to hang out with his dad's retirees club at the bar, this week he then worked a crazy long day on Tuesday and at this point we both totally have vacationitis. I would skip work too if I could.
But then my irrational brain starts kicking in and I'm thinking: "What if this is the beginning and he keeps blowing off work to hang out at the bar? What if he becomes a daily drinker? Maybe this is the sign that he will become an alcoholic and treat me like crap. Maybe I should break up with him before it all goes bad and it destroys me again."
Then my logical brain says "no it doesn't mean that and this is why..." And then my head explodes. I really feel on the edge of the depression when I get like this.
I have talked to him about my neuroses and he is understanding but I don't want to be like "I don't like that you did this because my irrational brain is worried that it means that you will turn into my ex." Every time I loose my mind a little.
I am not anti-drinking at all btw. I like to drink sometimes. I go with him on Mondays to the bar.
And I really do not want to break up with him. He really is my best friend. The best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe that makes the crazy worse.
I just really hate it when I get like this. How do I stop my irrational mind?
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