Do you say "it's just a . . . "

[Laurie]

For some reason I was thinking about this today. Sometimes something will go wrong or something will happen and someone will say don't worry it's just a . . .

What we fail to remember is what's important to some is not important to all, and I think it trivializes someone feelings when we throw the old it's just a out there.

It's not JUST A dog or cat or bird or rabbit or guinea pig or chinchilla or hedgehog or snake or lizard etc--it's something someone loves and cares about.

It's not JUST A hairstyle and the old "don't worry it will grow back" is just wrong. It's someone's self esteem, it's something that might define someone.

It's not JUST A job--it's someone's way to support their family and the old "don't worry you'll find something" shouldn't be said to pacify

It's not JUST A breast or breasts--again it's someone self's esteem as a woman it's (unfortunately) something that defines you as a woman. To say this to someone who has to have them removed due to cancer is cold and callous and totally unforgiving.

It's not JUST A book or a movie--sometimes this is something that changes someone's life after reading it or seeing--to trivialize it that way takes away so much hard work and effort on the part of those writing or directing or creating or acting in it--to say something like this is disrespectful to someone who's worked hard on their craft.

These are just some examples I've heard over the years--even if it's JUST A nail of most recent. I don't like this phrase at all, I find it heartless actually.

Are you someone who uses it, or are you someone who understands we are not all created alike and one man's treasure is another man's refuse?

 

[GorillaJTA]

I agree on some of the points. Some things (pets, body parts) are irreplaceable, other things can permanently change someone's way of life (job loss), and others can change a state of mind (an inspirational book). However, I learned over the past few years not to sweat small things or things that are not permanent.
I always had great pride in my hair- it was soft, dense, curly... Girls loved running their fingers through it. Now I hear at least twice a week "Why do you have a big bald spot?" or "Did someone play a bad joke on you?" I can either pass it off as a joke or I can take the time to explain that it is the result of cancer treatment 2 years ago.

Having something that does not grow back that I took great pride in has instead made me worry less about the stuff that does grow back. Nails grow, they can be filled in, covered, etc. Some books are trash and the writers know it.
I am not the one necessarily to judge what is trash or not, but my maxim is pretty much "don't sweat the small stuff." If it can be fixed or replaced, I don't freak out about it.

 

[Sandi]

I totally agree with Jer's post. I can understand your post as well Laurie, really I can. But whenever I say "it's JUST a ..... " it's because I'm not trying to belittle you or anyone else I'm saying it to but that I'm trying to lessen the blow, meaning it's ok that such and such thing happened and it'll come back, grow again, maybe better, etc. etc;.. and I believe that I only use that explanation with the "don't sweat the small stuff" situations.

 

[cindyv3737]

Personally, I think talking about a pet is VERY different from a book or nails. They are NOT the same. Pet's and body parts are irreplaceable.

Who is to say that there won't be another book or movie to change your life? I personally feel that most of what is written these days is crap. The fact that something like Twilight can be a best seller is a perfect example of that. Yes I read them and enjoyed them. I also picked them up knowing they were fluff and crap.

I have a hard time defending an actor. We live in a celebrity obsessed nation. People are famous for being good looking or being lucky enough to get a role in a film that does well. The Twilight films are a perfect example. Finding true actors these days is hard.

I've said more than once that nails are just nails. If it is mean or heartless to you then I apologize. We as human beings say things that are cruel without meaning to. We are all guilty of it. Including you Laurie. You have called me heartless before. It was mean and hurtful. I know you didn't mean for it to be, but it was. So this thread IMO is the pot calling the kettle black.

As Jer so eloquently said. "Don't sweat the small stuff."

 

[tunes]

<shrugs> I don't care. My world doesn't revolve around what anybody thinks is "just a." If someone says something hurtful - screw 'em, get over it, move on. I don't have the time or energy to sit around worrying about what everybody says offending me.

I have kids, a house full of animals, Frontierville, and now Gardens of Time to focus on! Mwahahahaha.

 

[ChinnyMom]

whenever i hear 'its just a fish' when it comes to keeping aquariums, i snap like you wouldn't believe! no mattter the creature, all are to be loved, nurtured, and cared for.


except mosquitoes!!!!! :rofl:

 

[Mikayla]

whenever i hear 'its just a fish' when it comes to keeping aquariums, i snap like you wouldn't believe! no mattter the creature, all are to be loved, nurtured, and cared for.


except mosquitoes!!!!! :rofl:

And wasps! ...I don't like bugs that bite or sting...

 

[Andrea]

I think what really matters is whether something is significant to YOU or not...if someone else feels otherwise, it's really out of your hands and it shouldn't be something that eats at you. Plenty of people have downplayed the significance of some very important things in my life, and ya know what? Oh well! I know how I feel and I know that what I do is good for what I need/want, and that is satisfying enough without having to have approval from anyone else.

 

[momenteller]

The fact that something like Twilight can be a best seller is a perfect example of that. Yes I read them and enjoyed them. I also picked them up knowing they were fluff and crap.

AMEN! :clap: That's all I have to say about that.

I think not sweating the small stuff is important, but easier said than done. I am guilty of dwelling on something someone said that I may or may not have taken the wrong way. I think the best thing you can do is think about the intent behind the person's words. Most of the time, something said was just thoughtless, not malicious. I hope others give me the same benefit of the doubt, since I too speak before thinking.

 

[Luci]

I agree with Jer and everyone else and I also agree with the concept of "who are we to judge what is important to someone". Though, in the greater scheme of things, there may be other issues that are more important. Each little piece makes up who we are, but if that little piece is taken away, we cannot allow ourselves to fall apart.

We also have to learn to take things with a grain of salt. So what if someone doesnt understand why you (general) are mortified that your hair got cut too short? They don't have to "get it". And if you're able to roll with the punches, you become more resilient to anything that others may say.

I get sad when people downplay things that are important to me, but I don't let it change my opinion.

 

[starleomach]

I agree with Peggy. I don't let anyone bother me anymore. It is Just a... to them but they don't matter to me anyway... I have learned life is to short to let people hurt you. No one is liked by everyone and everyone has something they don't agree with in even their best friend.

 

[Annieo]

I think what really matters is whether something is significant to YOU or not...if someone else feels otherwise, it's really out of your hands and it shouldn't be something that eats at you. Plenty of people have downplayed the significance of some very important things in my life, and ya know what? Oh well! I know how I feel and I know that what I do is good for what I need/want, and that is satisfying enough without having to have approval from anyone else.

:thumbsup:

 

[addictedtochins]

I try to remember the old story something about a guy complaining that he had no shoes and then he met someone with no feet.
I can not get mad at someone (well maybe stay mad) for unintentional hurts because I know I have hurt people, usually without knowing or meaning to. I prefer honesty over phoneyness and I wouldn't expect or care that we value the same things

 

[Dusty Foot Prints]

I am usually on the side of "Don't sweat the small stuff", however I also agree with Laurie that sometimes what seems insignificant to someone, can be a very big deal to others. You can't control what someone says, however you can contol the way you react to it. I also think that there is a difference in someone who says something hurtful without their knowledge, and the person that says something hurtful with malicious intent. However, if someone gives their opinion of something, and acknowledges the hurt that it may cause, then I think that's just where people have to agree to disagree.
It is a slippery slope! :banghead:

 

[caiti]

Laurie--people hold different things in different regards. If someone you care about says "It's just a...." to you and it bothers you tell them: "Actually, [blank] is important enough to me that minimizing it won't make me feel any better about it, despite your good intentions."

And that's it. No hard feelings, just a difference of opinion. You can acknowledge it, understand eachother, then move on. You don't have to share someone's opinion about something to care how they feel about it and try to help them feel better.