Very angry.

[CJR]

So my boyfriend (Jeff) lives with his cousin (Chris). His cousin is 19 and on social security for whatever reason - he receives the equivalent of a minimum wage full-time job once a month (it's over a grand). The social security will stop when he is finished with high school - which is next month.

First off, the kid wastes his money and has spent it all within the first three weeks of a month. Granted, he does have rent and bills, but afterward he's still got four hundred. So a hundred bucks a week for food and what not. He doesn't have a car, so there's no gas to factor in. What does he spend his money on? Tattoos, video games, fast food. We all know that fast food is WAY more expensive than just groceries. The last week of each month he bums off of me or Jeff for food.

So there's that.

Oh, also, he only has three classes a day. I don't know how he worked that out, but he only goes to school for three hours a day and comes home around 10:30am. Then, instead of helping out by, you know, doing some dishes or cleaning or taking out the trash, he plays video games. All. Day. Long. The dishes will pile up in the sink, the trash will sit for days, until Jeff or I take care of it.

Chris has also been unemployed for as long as I've known him - almost a year. In this same time frame, I have found four different jobs and been hired. He's been giving us this sob story about "I've put in all these applications to all the places within walking distance, but no one will hire me! You're so lucky to have a job, Ash!" I've long suspected that he's a little lazy liar, but had no proof.

Well, today I called all the places he's said that he's put an application in at. Guess how many applications he has put in?

ZERO. THAT'S RIGHT. ZERO.

I am SO MAD right now, I want to go beat the poop out of him.

He did manage to get a job, he starts next week, but it's only for a few months and it's only because Jeff told him "get a job or get out".

What would you do in this situation?! Even if you have no insight, thanks for reading. It just burns me up!!! :banghead: People are always taking advantage of Jeff because he's a nice person and I'm just so sick of it!

I want to tell this kid to go jump in a bonfire!

 

[InkedupTara]

Its actually not legal for them to tell you whether he has had applied or not, so shame on any company for giving you that information, if you are not a case worker etc...

I know you are not going to want to hear it, but there isnt much you can do, you I am assuming dont live with them, and it is up to Jeff to tell him to get a job or be gone, and I would detail what he needs to contribute....

Jeff, could get him to sign a contract on who needs to do what, but who actually rents the place or was it rented together?

 

[fanofdmb84]

He sounds like a typical teenage boy to me. He's lazy, he gets everything handed to him so why should he do hard work when he doesn't have to? He's getting free money, and he knows if that runs out, he can get food and whatever from you guys. If it was my cousin, I'd make a list of things I expected from him and if they weren't followed to a T, he'd be out on the street. Whatever you do, don't enable him by feeding him. If he comes over and asks for a meal, suggest that instead of spending $100 a week on fast food, he should get groceries for a month for the same amount, and then he can blow more of his own money on other stuff. And next month maybe he should remember what it was like to not have anything to eat for a week. People like that will never learn as long as others pick up the slack for them.

Live and learn.

I totally know where you are coming from, Ash, I actually have a cousin that's a lot like that, only (unfortunately) there are 3 little kids involved there, too.

 

[ABBY W.]

Yeah, I agree with fanofdmb84. He sounds like a typical teenage guy. UNfortunately, without strong guidance and the right motivators, most teenagers will take the path of instant gratification. They don't think for the future. AND, since he is not living with you, there isn't much you can do. You trying to intervene or enforce expectations on him is only going to make him resent you, and cause friction for your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is going to have to be the one to set expectations and consequences if they're not met.

 

[Laurie]

Pash, first of all take a deep breath then try to have some chocolate or chicken N dumplings. Second of all, there's really nothing you can do. This does sound like typical teenage behavior. Some of us are lazy by nature, some of us are not. I do understand how you feel, yet still, there really isn't anything you can do. Not everyone has their stuff together at 19, here's hoping that he will get it together soon though!

 

[CJR]

Thanks everyone, I do appreciate it. I know there isn't anything I can really do about it, I just needed to get it out. I talked to Jeff today, he said, "That's why when Chris tells me anything, I just smile and nod and take it with a shaker of salt."

I will no longer enable Chris!

 

[kimbt622]

Man Ash I know how you feel. My oldest sister is 27 years old, yes, TWENTY SEVEN, and she does not have a job. Mind you, she also has a 4 year old daughter and is a single parent... yet she still feels no need to get a job. She's on welfare and has attempted to get social security, but was denied. My niece goes to a daycare that is payed for by the state, but it angers me soooo much that she doesn't even try to find a part-time job to support her daughter. I am 19 years old and am probably eight times more mature than my sister who is eight years older than me. I don't really think age matters, it's really just the person's personality and whatever you say won't make a difference. It's frustrating, I understand, but all you can do is make sure you don't end up like that, right? At least that's what I try to do. Good luck! He's not worth your time, don't worry!

 

[Luci]

i know its hard to not feel involved in this situation since it involves someone you care about, but you have to let jeff deal with it the way he chooses. im sure you already have, but have another talk with him about whats right for HIM, not chris. in no way is he obligated to house him or give him support. if chris was being frugal with his money, then it at least shows he cares. but to be sitting on the couch playing video games all day instead of doing anything...well he needs to grow up. asking him to leave, though cruel, would make him man up.

but for what you can do....stay out of it. i dont intend for that to be rude, but its the best thing you can do. my boyfriend had issues while living with his sister. seems as though no matter what he paid her, she wanted more. he bought groceries, paid a bill, and gave her an extra 200. while that doesnt seem like much, she was the one who refused to get a job, stayed at home watching tv all day, and relied on her husbands active military check to pay for things. my boyfriend went to school, and only came home to sleep. i did my best to not get involved until she messaged me, talking crap about him. after our talk, she kicked him out of her apartment. the whole ordeal was stressful for me. i wish i had never replied to her.

do not make the same mistake of thinking that you need to do something. while it annoys you, you need to realize that people choose their paths. if chris doesnt want to get up and get a job, thats his deal, not yours. and if jeff doesnt want to lay down the rules, then thats his problem. i say that because we cant fix our significant others' problems, all we can do is be there. dont stress yourself out and dont take it upon yourself to do the investigating.

 

[ruoc]

It's hard to see someone you care about being taken advantage of, does your boyfriend feel family pressure to take care of his cousin? Sometimes that's hard to deal with too. Just take a deep breath, and tell your b.f. that you are there for him whatever his decision is and try not to bad mouth his cousin too much, cause that will cause stress for you two. You can't help someone who doesn't want it. Your b.f. needs to set down the rules and then STICK TO THEM. Hope you feel better talking to everyone.