Trust issues?

FurTurdHerd · Feb 17, 2012

I had three chins, all males raised from birth. Two were brothers, and the third is a distant cousin. The two brothers, WB and R2, passed away from severe malocclusion; WB in January 2010, and R2 in November 2011. It is now just Mocha and I, and he doesn't seem to trust me anymore.

Mocha was my husband's "baby" and they just adored each other. My husband unexpectedly passed away in November 2009 (before any of the chins). The chins were all confused at that time, but I didn't notice any major personality changes. Now that it is just Mocha and I, he seems to have zero trust for me. He doesn't want me to touch him, he rarely accepts scritches from me. When he is in an accepting mood, he will follow it up with the "swishy tail" dance, which completely confuses me! I ask him, "you want a girlfriend, or you think I'm your girlfriend?" He doesn't want me to pick him up anymore - he runs away if I extend my hands to him. Sometimes he even snaps at me. I have to catch him with a hand towel when it time for a vet visit. Sometimes he won't even come out of his cage for playtime, and I won't chase him around his cage or force him out.

This is a chin that used to sit quietly in my husband's hand while he surfed the net or watched TV. He used to get so worked up looking for my husband when I brought him upstairs that I don't do that anymore. He was never that well-behaved for me, but he used to let me carry him around, pick him up, give scritches, etc. Now he won't even come to the door anymore.

I do have him scheduled to be neutered on March 1. I am planning on finding a girlfriend for him because he has never been alone. Is this a good start? Any recommendations on how I can get close to my little fur baby again?

Jaina_Organasolo · Feb 17, 2012

Personally I'd go back to square one with him. It does sound like he's got trust issues and I do think that they remember people. I lived at home when I first got Chinchillas and my brother used to spend a fair bit of time with them. When I left home, I took my lad Lucky with me.
My brother takes care of the fluffs when I go away, and Lucky recognised him and would come say hi and play with him. My new chins, ignored him pretty much. He obviously trusted your husband and I suspect he knows he's gone.

It takes time for them to adjust. I never really bonded with Lucky in the early days. He was a little weird (he did develop some repetitive behavours for a while). After my other Chins passed away and it was just us, we became closer. He was very loving and a total attention hog - but we are talking about a year after the others passed away.

None of mine ever *want* to be picked up anyway but they are all tolerant of it. You could also just be seeing his personality change with age. My baby chin is soo different to the adults.

Don't force yourself on him, let him come to you. Take a step back and let him take the lead.

Personally I wouldn't have him neutured. It's an unnessicary operation - if you want to find him a friend, get another male.

The other thing I would say is I wouldn't be adding another chin into the mix right now. You will confuse him even more, and if your aim is for him to be closer to you he won't. In fact finding him a friend will make him need you less. It may make him happy I agree, but if you want to be closer to him then it just won't work.

Work slowly and at his pace. Good Luck! x

Shooper · Feb 17, 2012

I think he will come around. I know it's frustrating. Im so sorry that you have had so many losses, my heart goes out to you.

mishellyshel · Feb 17, 2012

i agree about the neutering and the getting of an additional chin right now. Neutering is not necessary and can also be risky. mocha needs to gain your trust. it took me well over a year to gain the trust of one of my chins that i rescued. others were quicker. depends on the chin. i think both you and mocha have been thru a lot over the last couple years and you both need time to heal and bond.

FurTurdHerd · Feb 17, 2012

Thank you all for your advice! It is just what I needed. It is hard for me to see what's going on from the inside, I guess.

I am going to cancel the surgery. I am nervous about it, if I lose him to an elective surgery, I don't know if I could forgive myself. People in my life have recommended that I re-home him, but that is crazy. He really is my baby - I held him for the first time six hours after he was born. Even though he is wary of me, I don't think re-homing him would help him a bit.

I probably shouldn't expect him to be the same chin after all that has happened, since I know I am not the same. He tells me every night with a sad call that he misses R2. I tell him that I know, I feel it, too, and that I am sorry. R2 used to make the same sad call after WB passed away. This is why I really started to consider getting him a friend, but he seems so darned cantankerous that I thought pairing him with a lady would be easier. I'm going to hold off on that, too. I saw fleece chin buddies at an online store, so I will get him one of those so he can snuggle with it.

I used to joke about it, but sometimes I think he believes that I ate everyone! :err:

FurTurdHerd · Jun 4, 2012

Update: good news!

So I thought I would update everyone on the progress between Mocha and me...and it is great! I must thank you all for your wonderful advice! :thumbsup:

I didn't get him neutered, and I put any thoughts of getting him a buddy on the back-burner. Since he wouldn't come out of his cage for playtime, I decided I needed to get him some new toys. I got a cardboard castle and maze, along with an extendable tunnel. The maze arrived first, and I sat down in front of his cage and put it together there. He couldn't help himself - he was sticking his nose through the cage and running around, trying to get a view from all angles. When I opened the door it took him awhile to come out, but he finally did. At first he wouldn't come up to me at all, but I was just happy to see him get some exercise and playtime.

Now he is totally different!! When I go downstairs, he runs to the cage door and shakes the door with his teeth. He even does this when I am taking care of the aquarium, and I have to tell him to wait his turn. He never barks at me anymore, and when I touch him, he turns around to see what I want, instead of running away! When he does something goofy and I laugh, he runs over and jumps into my lap, stretching on his hind legs to scrutinize my face. He climbs all over me, and sits on my knee so I can give him full-body scritches. Now when I pick him up, he just looks at me like, "Alright! Where are we going?" :hug2:

When my boyfriend visits, he is curious about him and jumps all over him, unless we sit next to each other. Then he sits and stares at us, especially if we sit up against each other. He will come around behind us and squeeze and push and pull at our clothes so he can get his body between us! I don't think he likes us being very close. :rofl: