Send warm fuzzies please.

[3CsMommy]

I've been out of work and living with friends since September. At Christmas I was offered a job and place to stay with my boyfriend's family until I could get back on my own feet. Without warning they rescinded the offer through my boyfriend in March after we got back from a vacation. I haven't spoken with them since we got on the plane to come home. They're in town this week for his college graduation, after which he's moving and I'm staying with the same friends I've been with since September-- the ones with a month old infant, a 4 year old child with untreated behavioral problems, and a family-wide penchant for domestic violence. The only thing that's let me keep it together for the past week, besides overseeing Crash's playtime every night, is that I've been told I'll be called this coming week for a job interview.

I *really* need this job. Honestly, I just need a break period, and hope is a little scarce up here right now. But a more immediate need than that, for my boyfriend's sake, is patience and strength. I'm angry, I'm hurt, I feel betrayed and discarded and disrespected by everybody *but* my boyfriend, and I have to spend the weekend being nice to the people that have yet to explain why they've changed their minds, and probably won't do so unless I force the issue.

This might be more than I can handle.

All positive thoughts, prayers, or whatever else you can offer between now and Sunday are appreciated. I'm going to need them.

 

[CJR]

I know it's hard, but everything happens for a reason. Such a cliche, but it really is true. If you need ANYTHING, please message me. I will help you in any way I can.

Good luck, you are in my thoughts.

 

[mishellyshel]

good luck. be strong. and take care of yourself.

 

[ChilliPepper]

Families can be so tough to deal with. Thoughts being sent your way. I hope you get the job, it is such a blow to a person's self esteem to be unproductive if it is not their choice. I have to ask though, how serious is the relationship with the boyfriend? Because his family is not going to go away if it goes to the next level, so you will need to work some issues out and get a straight answer at some point.
After I eat my chocolate for my own issues, I will eat a piece for you too.

 

[suzi1780]

keeping fingers crossed here that you get the job and sending lots of hugs

 

[LittleTrinkets]

Sending over positive thoughts and prayers for you, Good luck!

 

[3CsMommy]

Thanks everyone.

As for how serious the relationship is, we've only been together since November, but it feels like the kind of thing you tell your grandchildren about-- and I've never had that before, even after 3 years and living with a guy. The tricky part of getting to know people for a long-term, for me at least, is figuring out how to disagree respectfully and argue in a productive way. He says that's not how his family works; that all they do is act sweet to each other's faces (this is his mother with her parents, his dad with his mother, whomever), then complain to someone else and have *them* go fight instead of the person that has the problem talking about it herself.

I am the opposite; if I don't understand something, I ask about it. If I disagree, I state that opinion as well as why, and argue my side of things if I need to do so. But, I guess we'll see tonight if I get any kind of answer at all, or if I'm supposed to just pretend they didn't turn on me out of the blue. I've been invited to dinner (by my boyfriend or his family, I don't know. As usual, all the info came through him, and he's an expert at juggling their drama.). I'm sure I'll be doing lots of counting to ten. Or maybe fifty.

*fingers crossed*

 

[mishellyshel]

i think you will be doing a lot of tongue biting! good luck!!!

 

[Lynn & The Chins]

After I eat my chocolate for my own issues, I will eat a piece for you too.

LOL!!! I'm going to borrow that -- I promise to give you credit every time!!!

Back on topic...agreed, you must try to find out why the offer was rescinded, especially if this is a relationship that is "going to the next level".

It will be tricky, but perhaps you could just be politely blunt and ask them, "Since you've changed your mind, I was wondering if you could tell me why and if there was anything that I could do that would change your decision".

As I always say, the best advice my attorney ever gave me was, "If you don't ask, the answer is always NO". SOO true!!!

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[3CsMommy]

Back on topic...agreed, you must try to find out why the offer was rescinded, especially if this is a relationship that is "going to the next level".

It will be tricky, but perhaps you could just be politely blunt and ask them, "Since you've changed your mind, I was wondering if you could tell me why and if there was anything that I could do that would change your decision".

The closest to an explanation on that front either of us has gotten (C. asked directly when the initial decision changed) is "We don't dislike *her*, but don't want *you* dating her."

In the past two days, his mother and grandmother have kept a string of small talk going when we weren't in ceremonies and the like. His father has greeted me each time I arrived and otherwise acted like I'm not there. He even went so far as to try to keep me from sitting with C. at dinner yesterday until his wife suggested we switch seats. I've gone through over 1/3 of a pack of gum in a day and a half (to keep from grinding my teeth too much), but I don't think I've said or done anything that will get C. chewed out for my behavior again. Then again, I didn't think I'd been rude, offensive, controlling, or a **** on the vacation and all of that got dragged out during the fight C. had with his family, so I might just be a poor judge of the situation all the way around.

Thanks, everyone, for the positive thoughts. I think it's helping.

 

[ChilliPepper]

Keep chomping that gum, and when you get married, move to another state, preferably one on the other side of the country. My husband's family is sneaky like that, and it has caused problems for 13 years. So just be aware if it does go on to the next level at least you know ahead of time!

 

[Parkerspetchins]

I am hoping the best for you on the job front and with the uncomfortable situation you are in. Hang in there!

 

[JennyBug]

My husband's mother tried to hook him up with other girls while we were dating, and now she's got to put up with that awkward feeling whenever she sees us together, and she will have to remember that and think of what she tried to do everytime she sees her *future* grandchildren. Just remember that if you're meant to be, it doesn't matter what his family thinks! If you're not drinkin' and wh**in', what's the big stinkin' deal?!

Best of luck with the job - We will all keep our fingers/paws/claws crossed!!!

 

[3CsMommy]

Well, the weekend was tough, but I got through it (with grace, I think, but we'll see how far that goes). The worst of it came while we were packing C's room. When "Please leave it alone" wouldn't keep her out of my purse and clothing bag (I'd gone to campus in jeans and changed once he'd gotten ready) she had a hissy fit out at one of the vehicles and I simply took over packing. (Why would I let her rummage through my purse looking for "C's things"? I'm sorry, but no. You don't respect me and that's obvious, but you don't get to rummage through my things.) A little later she asked what I guess was supposed to be a friendly question about my job hunt and struck a nerve, but she thankfully backed off after that, and I managed not to get too upset.

I've also gotten an explanation-- albeit through C., as always-- why the decision to leave me out was made. His mom's reasons are what I was told the first time-- I'm not good enough and I'm obviously too experienced for C (based on a night time bus tour of bars I was forced to go on because she wanted to go dancing). His father's reasons are far different and completely understandable. I just wish his father, who had invited me into the family with open arms (in those words) had actually *treated* me like one of the family. I'm still hurt, but with a 'why' behind it, it's a little easier to swallow.

Gum count: 18 sticks, and they don't leave until tomorrow morning.

Thank you all for the pointers and stories about irritating in-laws. I've been lucky in the past that my boyfriend's mothers weren't so hard to get along with, but I think I've mastered the learning curve.