Jealousy?

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Mikayla

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2010
Messages
621
Location
Colorado
I don't know what it is, but I just have to say something somewhere or I just might explode.

My brother is three years older than me and he is tall and thin, and has gorgeous red hair. I'm short and stocky with the same hair, in dark brown, yet all my hair is is a pain. For his eagle scout project he put up a war memorial in our old towns park, and everyone in town followed the story. Everyone knew him. It was all about him. I used to go to a ceramic shop, I loved it there because people didn't know him, they knew ME. But after a while, I started introducing myself as Trenton's sister. Then they recognized me. And we moved. It was a terrible move, I had terrible elementary school years and I finally had moved to a school I loved. I had never been happy, and I finally knew what happiness was. But when we moved I was moved back into public schools, and I hate them. My brother did too. He wasn't liked by the younger generations in our old town, but here he got popular. Everyone loved him. Everyone knew him. When I thought I finally got away from everyone loving him, it started all over. I'll never escape. A few weeks back a girl asked if I had any siblings, I said yes a boy at the highschool, when I said his name she knew him, what did she say? "Well 'Ginger' is so HOT! And you're so well...you know what I mean." I will never get away from it. He's always gonna be better than me.

The other thing is my mom always brags about him, she tried to do the same for me, but after a month or so, she ran out of things about me. I'm done with it. I guess I like reading everyone's posts here because I am surrounded around things that I love, and he's not here.

I guess this is kind of a lame thread but I just had to say something, he's getting his Eagle scout pin in a few weeks and it'll get worse. I should be proud of him, and I should be happy to say he's my brother. But no matter what I do he always looks at me like scum, I'm just so done. I don't know if I'm jealous or what, but I hate his eagle scout project, I hate his acting things, I hate that all his teachers love him, I hate that he's so smart, and I would be if 'I just applied myself' and I hate that I know that if anybody had a choice of my brother and me, no one would want me.

I'm sorry for the rambling. I couldn't hold it in.
 
How old are you and your brother? I assume your brother is about 18 since he is getting his Eagle Scout. My son and daughter couldn't stand each other all the while growing up. My oldest son was everything my daughter was not. They were always at each other's throats. It drove me NUTS. But when my son was 22 and my daughter was 19, they all of a sudden became friends. My son would invite his sister to go out with him and his friends. He defended her when I was angry at her, etc. It was amazing. I am still floored at how close they are now considering for the first 18 years of their lives they were total opposites and rarely had a kind word to say to each other. Hang in there, I do believe things get better as you get older.
 
I guess I'd just say that you're never going to be happy if you're constantly comparing yourself to someone else. You aren't them, they aren't you. There's nothing you can do about it.

Now, probably at your age it's hard. I hated high school. College was so much better, and now that I'm out, I'm so much happier.

But anyways, you need to worry about yourself. If you're constantly thinking about what he's doing, how people love him etc you won't be happy. Stop caring as hard as it may be. I think that this little jealousy thing is quite common amongst kids. I know my sister and I had it when we were younger, but like Carol said, now that we're older it's so much better.

Find something you like to do, and don't worry about what he's doing. Still care about him because he's your brother, but stop focusing on how he seemingly gets attention and you don't. You won't be happy until you're happy with yourself. And caring about what your brother gets and you don't won't get you there.
 
Mikayla, I feel like I grew up a lot like you as a lot of other siblings do. They are constantly compared to your siblings. When you are the youngest it sucks when the older ones did so many good things. A lot of things I wound up turning it into competition of trying to beat them out or going in the completely opposite direction to prove I wasn't them.

My brother was able to skip kindergarten. My sister is little miss popular and still is even at 30. She tried to warn me about buying a house and how I was getting to the age of everyone would be getting married and having kids soon and how she was tight on her budget with her mortgage and all. I don't have 20 + more people who I constantly hang out with. I will be lucky to even be a bridesmaid in one other wedding than the one I will be in in April which yes it does depress me a bit, but I just got to dig down and see all the other blessings I have in my life. I own a house, a house not a town house, before 25. I have a good job and loving serious boyfriend and awesome pets. I do a lot of volunteer work. I have also grown closer to my sister.

Just focus in on things you do that your brother doesn't to keep yourself up. Instead of being miss popular cheerleader, I was a triple sport athlete in high school. Make it about you, not your brother. Do what you enjoy and you can separate yourself from him. It may take time, and it sucks being in a sibling's shadow, especially one that has done so much, but one day you will be able to say to him I always hated how you seemed to be the better known sibling, but I am proud of all that you did. It will happen just wait.
 
I agree with what's already been said. But I do have to say, I know how you feel. I'm the youngest of three girls. My oldest sister is a recovering heroine addict who's never done anything too terrific in her 27 years of life. My middle sister is the golden child, she's 23 years old and currently in her second year at Yale Law. She is brilliant, fashionable, gorgeous, lean and everything in between. Everyone is always so thrilled with her accomplishments and this and that. She got this internship she has a rich new boyfriend, etc. etc. I struggled with this for YEARS... living in my sisters' shadow. The funny thing was though, I lived in two shadows. If it wasn't my middle sister being great at whatever, it was my oldest sister screwing something up again. I came to realize, there's no point in comparing. Someone will always be in the spotlight whether its for good or bad. I then decided to do my own thing.

I may not be as tall as my sister or as intellectual. However, I'm still pretty even though I'm only 5'4'', I'm still smart even though I'm going in medicine instead of law. My sister would faint in a second if she saw my mom bleeding when we were growing up. I was always the one to run to her help. I take pride in that. Even though I'm not as good as my sister at some things, I am amazing in things that she is not, she would never be able to be a nurse practitioner. I have an incredible boyfriend even though he isn't rich, he loves me unconditionally. So I guess what I mean is you really can't take things piece by piece. You are you and he is your brother. You're separate people, you will be loved for different reasons. But in the end, you're all still loved. As you get older, you'll find your niche and it will all work out.
 
My brother is 17 he's been wroking on this project since he was fourteen, I've tried to forget it, I've tried to make it about me, but hearing my mom talk about it all the time just brings it back. I just had to say something, I know I'll try, but it'll always be about him, I just have to learn to not listen when they talk about him. They think he's so perfect, and they think I'm so terrible. He's worse than I am, he just learns to hold it in. The other night he push me against a wall because I wanted to use his phone without him in the room, I fought back and push him, I got in trouble. So I guess I'll just let him Mr. Perfect.
 
Even though it may not seem like it all of the time, your mother loves you just as much as she loves your brother. It does sound like she is a little insensitive to your emotional needs but she probably just isn't aware that she is even being insensitive. If you feel like you want to talk to your mom about it but doing it face to face may come out confrontational, I would highly recommend writing your mom a note that tells her how you feel. Be mature, tell her how you feel without being disrespectful or sarcastic. It is really important not to harbor resentment, it is just harmful to you. Like an emotional poison. If a note or a mature, respectful face to face doesn't work for you I would recommend seeking a counselor (maybe school or church?). Tell your mom you need to talk to someone outside of your family about some problems you are having. I read your post and I am sad that you are feeling this way, no one should feel this way. Some jealousy toward siblings is natural and not at all harmful, but I think you are in need of some real personal counseling. Jealousy and resentment are two different feelings and it sounds like you are very resentful of your brother, your mother for singing his praises, and everyone else for thinking he is better than you. Please think about it. It cannot do any harm. I would talk to your mom first if you can but otherwise I hope you speak with a counselor. You are as special as your brother, everyone is just different. Cyber hugs for you :)).
 
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